


Beneath the Rubble

by Wildspringflower06



Series: Beneath the Rubble [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2018-12-30 23:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 28,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12119814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildspringflower06/pseuds/Wildspringflower06
Summary: It's after the fight with Khan, a hearing with Star Fleet command in two days to decide the fate of the Enterprise crew. The world waits with baited breath as the struggles of two men are broadcast across the channels. It's in the wreckage of a collapsed building that Jim and Leonard sit, unaware they are being watched and simply attempting to survive.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, so this is an idea that's been in my head for quite a while. This is supposed to take place directly after the events of Into Darkness, so there's all that drama to deal with.
> 
> I'm working on transitioning my work over from fanfic.net, but if anyone is curious you can find me over there under wild-springflower.

He couldn't remember. He couldn't remember  _any_ thing. Albeit he was having a hard time focusing past the ringing in his head but even then, he should have been able to recall some scrap of information. He'd settle for his own name at that point.

He shifted with a groan and grimaced as something fell from his hair and aggravated his nose. There was also something fairly heavy pushing on his left arm but he didn't know what.

Realizing it would probably be prudent to open his eyes, he cracked them open just a sliver. Dust fell from his hair, making his eyes water but he barely even noticed because he remembered something.

He'd been inside, in a building of some sort, he growled in frustration when his aching brain refused to supply the name of said building, but even that wasn't relevant. No.

He remembered entering the building, there had been a deep rumbling so low he'd barely been able to hear it, then suddenly the floors and walls had begun to shake viciously.

Then there hadn't been a building anymore.


	2. II

He glanced around, coughing slightly as the debris filled air clung to his throat and aggravated his lungs. Visibility was low, mostly due to the layer of dust that seem to be suspended just above the ground. From what he could see whatever building he'd been in was a complete wreck, unrecognizable.

It was a slab of concrete that was pining his arm down, not too large, and although the pressure was uncomfortable he could tell nothing had been broken; thankfully all his bones seemed to be intact.

Bones, bones, bones. Simply thinking it made his heart patter strangely. Why did that one word hold such significance? More significance than any other part of his human anatomy at any rate.

Realization struck him like a bulldozer. Not bones, Bones. It was a name; it was  _his_ name. Or, one of his names?

He was confused, and most likely concussed he concluded with an uninterested sigh. But he'd remembered his name, that was a plus.

Bones sighed heavily and with a jolt realized just how quiet the disheveled remains of the building were, the silence sending a shiver down his spine.

He was alone, very alone. Yet somehow he knew that was wrong. He wasn't alone, at least, he wasn't  _supposed_ to be. A name flittered within his subconscious and he grabbed at it desperately, determined not to let it escape. It was important, he wasn't sure how he knew, he just did.

' _Jim.'_  He remembered with a surge of pride. The name clutched at his heart and caused a shot of terror to spread through his body like poison.  _Jim was dead._

' _No!'_ His heart screamed.  _'He isn't.'_

Bones wasn't exactly sure why his brain had immediately jumped to that conclusion. If he'd been with Jim before the building collapse, then there was no way Jim could have been dead.

Except out of all the muddled confusion inside his head there was one fact that held firm: Jim had died. Yet Bones knew, with every fiber of his being, that Jim was alive.

Still, irrevocable proof of that belief sounded nice. He had to find Jim.

"Jim! Jim!" Bones called, coughing once again as the dirty oxygen coated his throat in a layer of destroyed building. Silence was the only response to his shouts.

He wasn't crazy, Jim was alive and Jim had been with him. So Jim was buried somewhere within the rubble. Bones just had to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is kind of slow-building, and the fact that they're being watched doesn't get revealed to them until later so it really doesn't play a super important role in this first part of the story.  
> Thanks for the interest and stay tuned!


	3. III

Shouting was getting him absolutely nowhere. Where ever Jim was he obviously couldn't hear him.  _'So I have to move.'_ Bones concluded.

Taking as deep a breath as was possible in the polluted air, Bones braced his left shoulder against the concrete, extending his right arm to offer whatever assistance it could.

With a tremendous heave of effort, Bones lifted the slab just high enough so he could wriggle his arm out from underneath, allowing it to crash back to the ground as soon as he was free. The small task had him gasping, and the slam of concrete against destroyed linoleum was causing icy daggers of pain to stab his brain incessantly.

When Bones opened his eyes that he didn't have any recollection of closing, he was met with the sight of tiny, dancing stars. For a moment he believed the whole thing to have been a terrible nightmare, and he was back aboard the  _Enterprise_ with the black abyss of space whizzing by, but the stars quickly faded and a dull ache plopped to rest firmly at the base of his skull. This was no dream.

Alright, first problem: getting free, solved. On to the next problem: locating Jim. And damn if it wasn't just their luck to be caught in a freaking building that happened to decide it didn't feel like being a building anymore. Seriously, sometimes Bones could swear they were cursed.

" _Not you, just me."_

" _Huh?"_

" _ **I'm**_ _cursed. My bad luck just seems to find a way of affecting others around me too."_

Bones blinked at the memory that had popped unbidden into the forefront of his brain. He and Jim, both more than a little drunk, just sitting and enjoying the other's company. That had been nearly a year ago, on Jim's birthday. The day was one that Jim himself didn't enjoy celebrating, but Bones always made him anyway.

" _Quit your bitching and accept the damn present."_

Was it Jim's birthday already? No, not yet. Although Bones remembered Jim making a joking remark after waking up in the hospital about have two birthdays.

" _Birthdays are meant to celebrate your life, right? So when someone dies and comes back, does that give them a second birthday?"_

" _You just want more presents."_

" _You caught me."_

Had Bones forgotten to buy Jim a present? That would explain why Jim was mad at him.  _'No!'_ His brain screamed, snapping his thoughts back to the present. He had to focus, what had he been doing?  _Finding Jim._ Yes, that was it. Why was it so goddamn hard for him to think?

"Okay." Bones said with a sigh, shaking his head slightly before realizing that was a poor life decision. His vision swam and he fought to keep whatever food he'd eaten that day in his stomach where it belonged as a wave of nausea crashed into him like a high-speed missile.  _'Alright, so no more of_ _ **that**_ _.'_ He thought, his breaths coming in deep gasps. Swallowing thickly Bones released a measured sigh, making sure his stomach was back under control before slowly, cautiously, getting to his feet.

He had to use a nearby piece of rubble for support and even then his quaking knees weren't able to hold him up for long, but in those few precious seconds Bones had seen something. A tuft of yellow-brown hair, just a flash of dirtied, pale skin.

"Jim!"

The figure hadn't been moving, but Bones was too far away to see if he was still breathing. He was though, of that Bones was certain. There was no way his best friend had lived his life: a stressful, unconventional, space-birth, allergies to numerous medications, a fight with a psychotic time-traveling Romulan, and his death and subsequent resurrection after the events in the warp core. There was absolutely  _no way_  Jim had survived all that, only to be crushed by a building. Not only was that way too mundane, it just wasn't possible.

So with a target and new goal in mind, Bones began the arduous task of simply crossing the small expanse between himself and his best friend. It wasn't going to be easy by any means, but he didn't need easy. He just needed possible, and for someone like Jim, even the  _im_ possible could be done.


	4. IV

Bones scrunched his eyes up tight, clutching at his head and desperately biting down the urge to vomit.

He felt his mouth beginning to salivate, a familiar tingling sensation pattering across his jaw. He attempted to breathe deeply through his nose but the dusty air only served to aggravate his body further.

And suddenly he felt bile rising in his throat, the horrible tang of vomit biting his tongue.

It took Bones a full two minutes to get his body under control and even after he did, the effort left him shaking and breathing rapidly.

Walking was definitely out. Bones concluded, taking measured breaths in through his nose and releasing them past barely parted lips.

So if simply walking to Jim wasn't an option, how was he going to get there? He wouldn't be able to crawl, he knew he just wasn't physically capable of that.

' _Perhaps.'_ An idea blossomed. If he used the debris as support, he could shuffle his way over. He wouldn't have to stand up all the way, and he wouldn't have to make it very far. Just far enough.

With a grunt of effort, Bones got his quaking legs beneath him, gripping a nearby remnant of a wall or ceiling or,  _something_ , desperately, knuckles paling. Then, painfully slow, he began to inch his way to where he'd glimpsed that tuft of hair.

It took a long time, a lot longer than Bones had expected, and zapped nearly all his energy. When he was finally able to see Jim's body though, the site shot a rush of fear and adrenaline through his heart, elevating his heart rate and blood pressure.

Jim was unconscious, that much he'd already been aware. What he hadn't known and had been nowhere near prepared for was the massive slab of concrete laying atop Jim's legs, stopping just above the knee.

Bones had no way of knowing how much damage had already been inflicted. Modern medicine was a magical thing but if the damage was too severe he might not be able to fix it. He was a doctor not a damn magician. No matter how much Bones didn't want to think about it, amputation was certainly a possibility. Thinking about Jim like that, the words Jim and double amputee in the same sentence, brought about another bought of nausea, his head spinning.

' _Don't get ahead of yourself.'_ He chastised. After all, he didn't yet know the extent of the damage; there was a chance it wasn't irreparable.

' _We're gonna get out of this.'_ Bones thought to himself, eyes narrowed, focused on his goal, mouth drawn in a thin line.  _'We have to.'_


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this point on any medical info stated has come from a wonderful place called the internet. I'm no doctor, and if I've gotten anything wrong, my bad.  
> Thanks so very much for all the support! I appreciate it!

' _Too long, this is taking too long. Get up and move you lazy ass!'_ But try as he might Bones couldn't get his body moving; his legs refused to obey the commands his brain was sending. He  _had_ to get to Jim.

He also had to get his breathing back under control. A task easier said than done when his best friend lay mere inches away from him with a giant piece of building crushing his legs.

Bones sucked in as deep a breath as he could manage, coughing slightly on the exhale, but it was slower than before. He could feel his heart rate slowly dropping, the hammering in his chest calming the longer he concentrated on his breathing.

His headache was growing steadily worse, and a deep-seeded flare had settled behind his left eye, it felt like something was attempting to push the organ out from the inside, slowly, meticulously.

' _Okay, moving. Jim needs you now, no time to be an infant.'_

A conversation flittered through his frontal lobe, he couldn't even remember  _when_  the conversation had taken place, or where for that matter.

Jim, sitting on a bed, looking pale but healthy, a pout adorning his slightly beat-up face.  _"Another one?"_

" _ **Yes**_ _another one, don't be such an infant."_

" _But they huuurt."_

" _Quit your bitching, I thought you were supposed to be a tough Star Fleet captain."_

And he was. The toughest captain Bones had ever seen, the toughest  _man_ Bones had ever seen. Bones couldn't remember how he knew everything Jim had lived through, he guessed their backstory, while most likely amusing, wasn't terribly important. What mattered was that he  _knew_ , in his heart, that Jim was the strongest, bravest man he would ever know.

Bones had to be strong for Jim now, that was how friendship worked right? When one was weak the other had to be strong. One always there for the other. Jim needed him now, so he had to get up.

With a soft exhale Bones braced his arm against some nearby rubble and pushed himself to a semi-standing position. He hobbled, and dragged, and  _finally_  pushed himself the last few inches to his friend's side.

Jim looked even worse up close. There was blood marring the side of his face, and numerous lacerations all across his exposed skin. Bones immediately noticed some bruising forming under Jim's right eye that would most likely cause discomfort.  _But that's just what's visible._

There could be countless amounts of damage on the inside, punctured organs secreting dangerous fluids, internal bleeding, blood clots. Not to mention the longer Jim's legs were trapped under that piece of rubble the more likely a danger crush syndrome became. Even if his legs  _could_  survive, the time spent smooshed under a piece of building could potentially send him into a coma or even kill him.

A swift rescue would be their best option, but seeing as how there was no way Bones was able to predict when a rescue would take place, he'd have to do his best to keep Jim alive and hope there weren't any post-rescue complications.

' _First things first, check pulse, breathing, locate any breaks, get him awake.'_

Bones nodded to himself, he was a doctor dammit, and he was going to do his job. He leaned forward, having to pause as a wave of nausea tore through his stomach. Thankfully he didn't throw up all over Jim,  _"I might throw up on ya."_

Bones shook the memory away, concentrating instead on the task at hand.  _Heart rate_. Bones placed two fingers against Jim's throat, ignoring the sticky blood coagulating there. Glancing at his watch he waited, counting.

_135\. Maybe._  He'd had a hard time keeping track of the number of times Jim's blood vessel moved beneath his fingers but it was definitely higher than it should be.  _'Most likely anemic, from the blood loss. Not good, but not a death sentence.'_ On to other injuries.

Jim's arms were fine aside for some deep gashes that looked pretty painful. No arteries were hit otherwise he would've already bled out. There were no shards of glass or metal actually stuck  _in_ him which, given Jim's luck, was actually some sort of miracle.

It was when Bones examined Jim's ribs that he hit a snag.  _Broken. Broken. Fractured? Cracked. Broken._   _'That's a lot of damage.'_ So, no moving. He had to remember that, when Jim woke up he wasn't allowed to move. Thankfully his breathing was fine, it didn't appear to be hindered any by the damaged ribs and as long as Jim didn't move too much, he'd be fine.

All that was left was for Bones to wake the patient.

' _Why isn't he in a hospital if he's my patient?'_  Bones wondered suddenly, glancing around in confusion. He could barely remember what he'd just done, had he checked the patient's pulse already?

Bones had just extended his hand to do so when he noticed two circular smudges in the blood on the patient's neck, smudges that lined up perfectly with the blood drying on his fingers. He'd already checked the pulse.

Scrunching his eyes up tight Bones leaned back and rubbed his hands over his temple, eliciting a hiss of pain when the movement pulled against his head wound. An uncomfortably warm tickle down his neck alerted him to the fact that he'd started bleeding again.  _Great_.

' _Focus, the patient-'_ _ **Jim**_ _, Jim was the patient. He needed to wake Jim up._

Opening his eyes Bones rubbed a hand gently down his face before leaning forward and tapping Jim's cheek softly. "Wake up Sleeping Beauty."

When that didn't work he tried again, a little harder.

"Ah!" Jim cried suddenly, gasping and automatically reaching up towards his cheek.

Maybe a lot harder.  _He should probably apologize._

"Welcome back to the land of the living." He said instead.

"Bones?" His voice sounded terrible, like he'd been gargling nails, but he was awake and he was talking. "What the hell, where-" Jim's speech was cut off abruptly as he attempted to sit up, the movement jarring his numerous broken ribs.

"Yeah, be careful ya idiot, you've hurt your ribs pretty bad. You're gonna have to stay layin' down and move as little as possible."

"My ribs, what?" Jim's eyes widened as his memory came flooding back. "The building! Is anyone else around? Do we know how many people were in here?" Jim immediately attempted to sit up once again, but a bone shifted and suddenly he could do nothing but gasp for breath, his vision turning white.

"What'd I just tell ya, damned fool. Lay down, take a couple shallow breaths." Bones gently eased his friend back into a lying down position, rubbing his shoulder for comfort.

"I'm good." Jim wheezed.

"You don' look good."

Jim squinted up at him through his left eye, "You're one to talk. That's a lot of blood there, how bad are you hurt?"

"It's nothin' to worry about."

Jim's leveled both eyes at him, clearly not buying it for a minute. "Yeah, and all my ribs are just bruised."

Bones sighed tersely, unable to keep from pinching the bridge of his nose. "I've got a pretty bad concussion. No other damage that I can tell."

Jim nodded, relaxing slightly with the information. "'K, do you know how long we've been down here?"

"Um," Bones took a moment, eyes squeezing shut as his brain began to pulse painfully. "No, I definitely lost some time there."

"You were unconscious?"

"Yeah."

Jim scrutinized him carefully, mouth darting down at the corners. "What else?"

Bones stared at Jim silently, but there was a challenge in Jim's eyes. Bones wouldn't be able to lie to him, "There's some memory loss." He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, "There's a  _lot_ of memory loss."

"So a pretty serious concussion."

"Yeah."

"And we're stuck in a collapsed building with no contact to the outside world, no idea how long until we're rescued, you're heads messed up and my ribs are destroyed."

"That about sums it up."

Jim released a weary sigh, his gaze sweeping the dilapidated ruins before him. "Great."


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did want to give a little warning that there is some strong language in this chapter and the next. There hasn't really been a whole lot of that so I just figured I'd let ya'll know before you just started reading. Also as of this chapter Bones and Carol Marcus have a sort of thing going on, and Jim totally has an adorable little crush on Spock. That's about all, hope you enjoy!

The destroyed room lapsed into silence. Bones couldn't help but stare, he felt awful. His injuries looked like a cakewalk compared to Jim's. And he still wasn't able to tell the extent of damage done to his legs.  _'What if it's irreparable? Jim will never be the same. Sure prosthetics are good but Star Fleet's never gonna let him captain a ship.'_

"Why're you staring at me like I'm gonna die?"

Jim's nervous question broke Bones from his glum internal monologue. He had to stop thinking so negatively.

He also had to let Jim know about his legs. How the kid hadn't already said something was actually surprising.  _'Maybe they aren't causing him too much pain, that'd be good. Right? Wait, why haven't I told him already?'_

"Bones!"

"What?"

"You're just staring, it's freaking me out." And Jim  _looked_  freaked out. His eyes were wide, eyebrows raised in a questioning manor. He didn't know the full extent of his injuries, didn't know he could potentially lose two limbs.

"Look Jim," Bones sighed heavily and finally caved. "Your legs are pinned."

Jim's entire face fell as he processed the information Bones had just relayed. "Like, under rubble?" He asked quietly, then with a gasp he shot upwards, broken ribs be damned.

"God dammit man I told you to lie still!" Bones reprimanded, maneuvering himself so he was more in front of Jim.

The man's eyes were wide, breath coming in raged gasps, all pain in his ribs forgotten as he simply stared in shock at the sight of the spot where his legs disappeared beneath a giant support beam. "Oh, shit. Oh shit.  _Holy shit_." Jim gasped, running a hand through his dust-filled hair.

If Bones didn't calm him down quickly he'd start hyperventilating, and with the damage already done to his ribs, there was no telling if he'd be able to get back to a normal breathing rhythm. "Jim, Jim I need you to settle down. Take a deep breath for me and lay back down, okay? We're gonna figure this out."

Jim nodded numbly, eyes still trained on his crushed legs. But he did as he was told, inhaling as deeply as he was able and allowing Bones to ease him back to the ground. "Uh, should uh-" Jim paused to breathe again, swallowing thickly, "Should they be tingling?"

Bones' eyebrows dove together, "Your legs?"

"Yeah."

"Like pins and needles?"

Jim nodded again, staring at Bones with eyes slightly smaller than dinner plates.

Bones couldn't help it, he actually smiled.  _'Blood flow, there's still blood flow.'_ "Jim that's actually really good. It means there's still blood flowing to your legs, even just a little bit can help so that you won't lose them."

When Jim's eyes seemed to impossibly widen even further Bones realized he'd slipped up, " _Lose them_?" Jim practically screeched. "As in, amputation?"

"Um, look Jim it's- there's, it's a slim chance, if the damage is too severe to be mended." Bones informed, wishing the fog in his brain would clear so he could explain everything in a manner that actually made sense.

"But there's still a chance!" Jim gasped slightly, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. His skin had gone even paler in the last few seconds. "I think I'm gonna be sick." He said, before gaging slightly.

"Woah no no no! Whatever you do, do  _not_ throw up. Too much extraneous movement and one of those broken ribs could pop out of place and do some major damage!" Bones stated, moving just a little too quickly. He gasped in pain, clutching at his head and struggling momentarily to get his breathing under control.

"How bad is it?" Jim questioned meekly.

It took Bones a minute to process the question, and even after he understood the words that had been spoken, he had to formulate a response. He didn't want to freak the kid out but Jim also had a right to know. "There's a possibility of something called crush syndrome."

Jim's eyes scrunched in confusion before realization dawned. "No, not- not me.  _You_. How bad is your head?"

"Oh." Bones paused, blinked, opened his mouth to respond then blinked again.

"Pretty bad?"

"Yeah, I'm guessing pretty bad."

Jim nodded, a familiar glint of determination flashing in his eyes. "Okay, okay let me know what to expect. I'm not the doctor here, I need to know what to do. How to help. Everything."

"Um," The delayed understanding was beginning to annoy, and the increasing difficulty forming coherent responses was not helping anything. "There are lots of symptoms, I know I've already exhibited quite a few."

"Headache, loss of consciousness, confusion, delayed response." Jim listed off.

It took Bones a second to count all the symptoms Jim had mentioned, determine whether or not they were in fact concussion symptoms and then decide if he was experiencing them. All in all it took him  _far_ too long to respond. "Yeah, all those. Also um, slurred speech is a bad one."

"Isn't there something about not sleeping?"

"Not sleeping?"

"Yeah, aren't you not supposed to fall asleep?"

Bones blinked, a different memory flashing through his brain.  _"No sleeping, I don't care_ _ **how**_ _tired you are."_

" _Sp'k, S'lu, 'k?"_

" _Yes Jim, Spock and Sulu are okay. We're almost back, just focus on me."_

" _B'nes."_

" _Yep, just me. You're gonna be fine, I promise."_

"Bones?"

Bones sniffed, shaking the memory away before nodding. "Yeah, I should probably stay awake."

"Okay, so what are we going to talk about?"

Bones paused for a moment in contemplation before responding sincerely, "The weather?"

Jim couldn't help but laugh, the jovial sound seeming so out of place in the dilapidated remains of a building. The pleasant noise was short lived however, when it was abruptly cut off with a soft gasp and a groan. "Don' make me laugh. It hurts." Jim whined, rubbing gently at his ribs.

"Well what do you wanna talk about?" Bones grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

Jim shrugged a shoulder, looking thoughtful. "How's Jo?"

"She's fine. Misses her dad. Misses her Uncle Jim." Bones responded immediately. It only registered a moment later that until that very moment he'd forgotten about his own daughter. The realization hit him hard, clutching at his already pained heart.  _'How could I forget my own kid?'_

"-have to get you home more often. I feel bad." Jim was saying. They both knew there was no way to control how often the  _Enterprise_  crew would be on Earth but it was a nice sentiment none-the-less. "What about you and a certain science officer?" Jim asked coyly.

The sudden change in topic took Bones a moment to follow but when he understood what Jim meant a soft smile graced his lips. "Carol and I are doing just fine, thanks very much. And Joanna seems to like her so that's a plus. What about  _you_  and a certain science officer?"

"No, don't!" Jim suddenly cried, covering his quickly reddening face with his hands. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Oh no?" Bones questioned with a grin. "Are you sure?"

It had recently come to Bones' attention that Jim had a bit of a crush on a certain Vulcan science officer aboard their ship. Had he done anything about said crush? No, not as of yet.

"Yes, absolutely thanks." Jim replied in a clipped tone, but he couldn't keep the smile off his lips.

And so the two continued talking about small, meaningless things. The more the conversation continued the more things Bones found himself remembering, but the harder it became to actually formulate an articulate answer.

' _Wonder when we'll be rescued. Wonder if anyone actually knows we're missing yet.'_  Bones thought, mind beginning to wander. He had no idea how long it had been since the building collapsed but even in the dead of night, a building collapsing isn't something that would go unnoticed.  _Why would he and Jim go to a building in the middle of the night?_  It occurred to Bones that he didn't even know what  _time_  it was. But when Jim distracted him with a question about the music lessons Joanna was just starting to take, Bones couldn't help but boast, the minutes slowly ticking by on the watch that sat completely forgotten against his wrist.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! Sorry it's been so long since an update. Let me know if you spot any errors I'm posting without reading it over because I don't have a whole lot of extra time right now. Otherwise enjoy!

The two friends continued to chat aimlessly. At some point Bones had resituated himself so Jim's head was resting against his legs, but he couldn't really remember when or why he had done that. The conversation had lapsed maybe three or four times,  _or had it been more_? Jim was always quick to get it going again though, bringing up meaningless things to talk about. It was during one such lull that the atmosphere in the room turned abruptly somber.

"How serious is it?" Jim question softly.

"Yours or mine?"

"Yours."

Bones had to take a minute to sort through his scrambled thoughts, "Uh, some delayed symptoms are um," He gestured with his hands as he tried to find a particular word, "troubles with concentration. Uh, sensitivity to light. Irritability."

"Well you're  _always_ exhibiting that symptom." Jim couldn't help but jest.

"Har har, hilarious. Um, there are other complications too. Increased chance of uh, seizures within five years. The possibility of some, post-whatever issues. It'll be fine."

"Mmhmm."

" _It's gonna be okay."_ Bone suddenly remembered himself saying. He was wearing a crisp, white medical uniform, staring down at a very closed off Jim Kirk. A newly  _revived_ , closed off Jim Kirk.

" _Mmhmm." Jim responded, refusing to meet Bones' gaze._

" _Jim, you_ _ **survived**_ _."_

" _That's not what I remember."_

"Why didn't you ever talk about it?" Bones questioned suddenly, cutting Jim off in the middle of a sentence he hadn't even been listening to.

Jim blinked in confusion, "Talk about what?"

"What happened to you. You never talked about it, to  _any_ one."

"You mean what happened in the warp core." Jim said quietly, his eyes becoming more guarded by the second.

"I mean your  _death_." Jim flinched at the word but Bones couldn't stop. "It happened Jim, and pretending that it didn't isn't gonna help anyone."

"Bones please, can we just, not do this right now?"

"You haven't really accepted it yet, have you?" Jim remained adamantly silent so Bones pressed harder. " _Have_  you?"

"What? What do you want you want me to tell you?" Jim demanded angrily.

"The truth!" Bones shouted back before gasping and clutching at his head. The world was suddenly spinning, little shimmering stars dancing at the edge of his vision. He couldn't hear anything but white noise for quite a while, but when his hearing zeroed back in Jim was speaking to him desperately, his tone taking on a worried quality that Bones didn't like to hear there.

"Okay, okay I'll talk. I'll talk and you just, you just listen okay? Just listen."

Bones nodded softly with a sniff. "Sure Jim, I'll listen."

Jim swallowed, the simple action quite loud in the otherwise silent space. "You're right." He finally began. "I don't talk about it, at all. I just keep thinking that one of these days, it'll all sink in and it'll be just fine. But, that hasn't happened yet. And I  _know_  I need to talk about it, I  _know_  I need to accept it, I just don't know if I'm ready. Bones, I-" Jim released a shaky breath, tears slipping from his eyes. "I  _died_."

Bones hated seeing Jim like this, scared and hurt and  _crying_. But a part of him knew this was also good, talking about it would be good.

"I don't like any of this. I mean, we're not allowed to tell the public much of anything. They can't even  _know_ that I died. And the fact that the only reason I'm still alive is because, because of  _his_ blood in me." Jim paused a moment, sniffling, before continuing in a soft, scared voice. "Sometimes I'll look in the mirror, and I won't see myself staring back."

Bones gasped slightly at the confession. He knew Jim had been struggling but he'd never imagined it could be so bad. ' _Why didn't he come to me? Does he feel like he can't come to me?'_

"And I know I j-just joke. B-but it'ss not a joke Bones, it's n-not a joke." Jim sobbed, his chest heaving as tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Oh Jim." Bones sighed softly, hands immediately burying in Jim's hair, running soft circles across his scalp.

The contact seemed to calm Jim down and he took a deep breath, wincing at the pain in his chest. "I don't like the lying. I mean, Khan crashed a fucking secret starship in downtown San Francisco and no one knows the real story. Admiral Marcus was  _killed_  by the man that he woke up because he wanted to start a war with the Klingons. I guess I  _understand_  why Star Fleet is keeping all this a secret but still, so many people died and their families don't even know why. Not really."

"Jim-" Bones began, but was cut off.

"So many people are dead because of a man they didn't even know the name of. I mean, maybe it's my fault." Jim stated, voice cracking and more tears falling. "Pike died and I was just  _so_  angry. I wanted revenge. What type of starship captain does that? I put my crew, my  _family_ , at risk for something as stupid and meaningless as retribution. The only reason Khan crashed that ship was because I went after him."

"Khan crashed that ship because he was a psychopathic son of a bitch, ya got that? It wasn't your fault, and you weren't the only one that wanted him to pay for killing Pike. We were all there with you Jim." Bones attempted to reassure, but his voice was growing softer by the minute. A haze was settling over his brain and it was getting harder and harder to blink it away.

Sleep sounded really good. Maybe he could just catch a few hours rest, then go back to work.  _'Yeah, just a few hours.'_  Bones thought as his eyes slid shut of basically their own accord and his body sagged listlessly to the side.


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, couple things. First of all, this chapter switches perspectives from Bones to Jim. I tried to keep the writing style consistent but it's a different style for me so I'm sorry if it doesn't flow as well or if it's a little jarring or something. And lastly this chapter is a little bit longer than the past ones and things pretty much start to pick up from here on out. So enjoy the ride!

"Khan crashed that ship because he was a psychopathic song of a bitch. It wasn't your fault, and you weren't the only one that wanted him to pay for killing Pike. We were all there with you Jim."

Jim paused a moment, tears burning in his already aggravated eyes. He'd never admitted his fears to anyone; he'd always been too afraid. Afraid of what they would think or afraid of facing reality, he wasn't sure.  _'Stupid.'_  He chastised himself. A weight felt like it had been lifted from his heart, suddenly the organ was able to beat so much lighter, faster. And all because his friend had pushed him. "Thanks Bones." Jim whispered, voice thick with emotion.

He waited for a stereotypical 'Bones' reply, but when none was forthcoming, Jim arched his back to glance up at his friend. Moving at all was difficult, and made breathing nearly impossible, but as far as he could tell they were the only two people down there,  _'no one else to look after us.'_  So he had to.

Bones' eyes were shut, his body lying slack against a cracked support beam, limp hand falling from his hair as Jim moved. The sight sent a pang of fear through Jim's heart. This was serious. He had a way of disconnecting from situations like this, life or death, because for him, his whole  _existence_ had been life or death. But other people couldn't do that, put so much distance between themselves and the situation, ignore the pain and  _keep pushing_. Bones, for however amazing he was, was the type of person that couldn't ignore pain, in himself or anyone. So Jim couldn't just brush any of this off, he needed to ignore the pain he was experiencing so he could focus on Bones.

"Bones!" Jim called, only wincing slightly at the pressure speaking loudly caused his ribs. "Hey, wake up you son of a bitch! I'm not supposed to let you sleep so I'm not going to let you sleep. Wake up!"

The shouting combined with as fierce of a shove as Jim could muster seemed to do the trick.

Bones roused with a groan, squinting then blinking owlishly as he finally came to. "Jim?" His voice was slightly stronger than just before he'd lost consciousness, and the sound quelled Jim's racing heart and allowed him a sigh of relief. "Wha' 'appened?"

"You decided to take a bit of nap?" It was a breathless question, Jim's body still too full of adrenaline to be fully relaxed.

"How long was I out?" Bones asked, sounding slightly nervous.

Jim readjusted himself on the ground, grimacing as the sensation of pins and needles in his legs intensified. It was like the worst case of sleeping limbs he'd ever experienced, and the worst part was he couldn't move to fix it. He hated not being able to move, the feeling of being trapped. It made him nervous, and he darted his eyes about the area in a way he hadn't felt the need to do in years. "Less than a minute." He quickly responded to Bones' question.

"Good. Thanks for waking me back up."

"Any time. Can't have my favorite doctor sustaining brain damage." Jim winced,  _'smooth, Kirk.'_  He inwardly reamed.

A slightly awkward silence followed Jim's all too real statement, and Jim could feel the tension in the air before Bones broke it with a cough to clear his throat before speaking up. "Now what?"

Jim paused a moment thoughtfully, taking time to really consider their options. There wasn't much they could do, aside for patiently passing the time before they were rescued.  _'We_ _could_ _do **that**.'_  Jim thought as an idea popped into his head. Smiling up at his friend Jim suggested, "We could play 'what would you do if'."

"Like back at the academy?"

Jim simply chuckled, nuzzling his head against Bones' hand. "I realize we'd usually consumed more alcohol than is probably healthy, but it's still a good way to pass the time."

Bones shook his head softly with a roll of his eyes that Jim was just barely able to see out of his peripheral vision, but he didn't say no. "You goin' first or am I?"

"I don't care." Jim replied, stifling a yawn. He felt the exhaustion creeping into his muscles as excess adrenaline died away, but he had to keep his friend occupied.

"You." Bones elected after a slight pause, decisively ending that brewing argument.

"Okay." Jim relented with a small grin, he knew Bones hated being the one to ask first. He paused a moment to think of a question before the perfect idea came to mind. The smirk that he knew had garnered countless rumors at the academy crept onto his face but he couldn't fight it. "What would you do if Joanna decided to join Star Fleet?"

Jim could've sworn he saw Bones' body cease functioning for a full three seconds after he'd processed the question, his reaction eliciting a snicker from the pinned Captain. He would've laughed harder, cackled even, but he knew that was probably a bad idea and expertly reigned in his reactions. After all, if he was going to keep Bones awake that meant he had to be functioning properly. Or, as close to properly as was possible in his current predicament.

"Oh good god, die of cardiac arrest." Bones finally answered truthfully, eyes wide. "You do realize that's my worst fear?"

"Come one Bones, she could be on  _our_ ship!"

"Our ship that continues to be blasted and destroyed, is that the ship you're talking about?" Bones demanded in a clipped tone.

Jim's smile fell, "Okay point taken." He relented. "But still, space isn't  _that_  bad."

Bones' eyebrows shot up to his forehead in disbelief, "Oh isn't it? You know what space is? It's disease and danger wrapped in-"

"Darkness and silence, I'm aware." Jim interrupted with a snort, the grin on his face widening. He loved to get Bones riled up, and he'd shamelessly take any chance he got to bring out the 'Space Rant'. Still, a thought suddenly occurred to him.  _'I've never bothered to as_ _ **why**_ _. What the hell.'_  Now was as good a time as any. "Why do you hate space so much?"

"It's unnatural." Bones grumbled immediately, and Jim as happy to see his response time was remaining about the same. "If man were meant to fly, we'd have wings."

Jim paused a moment in contemplation before shaking his head, Bones' fingers tugging through his matted hair. "I don't think that's true. If man  _weren't_  meant to fly we wouldn't be capable of building planes, and helicopters, and starships. We wouldn't be able to make our own wings."

"Yeah, there's a story about a boy who made his own wings. Ya know how well that turned out? Not good."

Leave it to Bones to reference a nearly ancient Earth legend, but Jim still recalled the tale. "Well no, they melted." The story was obviously meant as a warning, but not against flying. The story was basically irrelevant anyway, no one really knew it anymore. He did because he liked reading old books, the kind that still used paper and cracked softly when he opened them.

"Your wings melted." Bones stated suddenly, pulling Jim out of his internal reverie. When he glanced up, Bones' eyes were focused on something far away,  _'a memory'_  and Jim would bet he knew which one.

"Lucky I had someone to catch me when I fell." He reassured softly, a gentle smile on his lips. Even though the topic was still hard for him to discuss, he also knew he wasn't the only one to be left with a deep scar from what happened. He couldn't even imagine what his best friend had been through, and attempting to put himself in that position; it was almost too painful to think about.

Bones sighed heavily, still refraining from meeting Jim's searching eye. "Except I didn't catch you."

"Bones, you saved me." Jim tried to reassure, even though he knew he'd felt anything but  _saved_  after waking up in the hospital.

Bones apparently didn't like the word either, grimacing as it was spoken. "I  _revived_  you." He corrected. "There's a difference. Ya know, there was a moment, when you were first brought to me, before that damn tribble started breathin', that I had to face a world without you in it."

And there it was, out in the open. Jim bit his lip and cast his eyes downward as he waited patiently for Bones to continue. He wasn't even sure if he would, but the stretching silence never became uncomfortable to bear.  _That was the difference between him and Bones,_ Jim mused. He refused to share  _unless_ he was pushed, and Bones was certainly more than willing to become violent should the need arise, he'd received enough threats to know that. But Bones himself would share everything if given ample time to sort through his thoughts, and Jim was always willing to wait, and listen only when his friend was ready to share. It was why they made such good friends, they complemented one another well.

"You give my life purpose Jim." Bones finally began again, his voice a little more raw than before. "Sure I've got my daughter to keep me grounded, but when we're out in space, you give me a reason."

"A reason to what?" Jim questioned, slightly shocked at the level of honesty his friend was displaying. He bit his lip awkwardly as he waiting and listened to Bones explain what was going on in his concussed head.

"To get up, face the day. I don't know what I'd do without you kid."

Jim's eyes stung with tears at the confession, but he stubbornly held them at bay. He'd done far too much crying for one evening  _–or was it morning? -_ so he decided to expertly deflect. "Well I know what I'd do without you."

"What's that?" Bones questioned in amusement.

"Go into anaphylactic shock and most likely die." The statement wasn't humorous in any way but the two still laughed. "Hey Bones?" Jim began suddenly, a thought eating away at his brain incessantly; he knew it was going to bother him until he asked about it. The game they were supposed to be playing was momentarily forgotten as Jim asked, "What's your least favorite part of living on the  _Enterprise_?"

" _You_." Bones responded immediately, not hesitating for a second to throw a barb Jim's way.

Jim glanced up at Bones with a lopsided grin, already knowing the mirth he could see in the doctor's eyes was just for show. "Ha ha, very funny. But seriously, I wanna know."

"My least favorite thing of living on the  _Enterprise_." Bones mused, "Aside from the fact that it's in space?"

Jim chuckled in slight exasperation, "Yes,  _aside_ from that."

Bones was silent for a moment, contemplating his answer. Jim silently counted the second as they ticked by, keeping a mental note of how long it was taking for Bones to process and reply to his questions. "Maybe that it doesn't feel like home yet." Bones stated, his answer so quiet Jim almost missed it. "It's just a place to live right now."

Jim's heart panged softly at the reply; he wanted to do everything humanly possible to make his crew comfortable, to make the  _Enterprise_ their home. "So what, we gotta put a few pictures up? Make the place more homey?" The suggestion had been meant as a joke. Mostly.

"Oh yeah, we put some pictures up and then as soon as we get into any kind of altercation I'll have people comin' into my Sickbay with concussions cause a picture fell on their head." Jim noted the grimace that crossed Bones' face, most likely from the emotion he'd put into that last tirade. But he'd gotten his point across. They did get into enough trouble out there, and knowing his luck, he'd be the first to get a concussion.

"Okay, so that's a no."

"Yeah that's a no." Bones sighed loudly in exasperation. "Jim, the place is gonna feel more like home the longer we're actually there. The same way the crew is gonna become more like a family."

"We've already got all the drama of a large family." Jim stated, his voice deadpan as he thought about all the shit they'd been through in the past few years, the past few  _months_  even.

Bones, however, disagreed. "I think our drama is a little different than most family's."

"Moooom, that Klingon blew up my room again!" Jim mock whined in a childish voice.

"Hey, a dangerous looking new alien species!" Bones began, and Jim could tell he was doing his best to keep his normally Southern touched accent in check. "Daddy can I keep it?"

"Was that an impression of  _me_?" He demanded as soon as he realized what Bones was doing, sounding affronted.

Bones snorted with an eye roll, "Like you don't wanna keep half the alien species we've come across."

Jim relented with a sigh because,  _'okay that was valid.'_  But still, "Yeah, okay, but those tribbles were actually adorable."

"Oh yeah, they were  _real_  adorable. Ya know some of the security staff have coined the phrase: 'The Tribble Debacle'?"

"Really? Debacle?" Jim crinkled his nose, "I don't know if I'd go so far as to call it a debacle."

"What would you call it then?" Bones demanded, and had him backed into a corner for a solid second.

"A minor infestation?" He countered questioningly, because if he was being completely honest, he knew the infestation had been a bit more than  _minor_.

"Sure kid." Bones scoffed, not believing him for a second. "What if you developed an allergy to your favorite food?"

Jim blinked for a moment, surprised that Bones even remember the game they were supposed to be playing, when the question finally registered and his brain came to a screeching halt.  _ **What?**_ "That's no fair!" He cried, wincing when he pulled on his broken ribs. "I already can't eat a lot of food and you're going to take away one of my few selections? My  _favorite_?" He knew it was game, but he still couldn't help but sound morally affronted. That scenario was evil to even think about hypothetically.

"Yep. What would ya do?" Bones demanded, completely unfazed by Jim's tantrum.

"Eat it anyway." Jim replied matter-of-factly. "Go into anaphylactic shock and hope you were nearby."

"That's stupid." Bones scoffed, but Jim figured he wasn't all that surprised by the answer.

"It's my favorite food!" Jim cried defensively, then effectively ended the conversation by changing the topic. "What if you could no longer drink coffee?"  _If Bones was going to play dirty, then so would he._

Bones' eyes widened in what could only be described as terror. "I don't know what  _I_  would do, but people would be dead. I can't function without my coffee. What would you do-" He paused to think of a question, the task seeming to be more difficult than just five minutes earlier. "if you could only go one place in the entire galaxy?"

Jim remained silent for quite a while, staring up at the black abyss that used to be a ceiling, lost in thought. It was a good question, one that had him actually stumped. "I guess, I don't know. Somewhere new, preferably not  _too_  dangerous. Somewhere I could make a difference." He concluded with a satisfied nod. Without knowing everywhere there was to go in the galaxy, he couldn't give a more accurate answer.

"Huh." Was Bones' eloquent response.

Jim felt immediately defensive, "What?"

"Nothin', it's very you."

Jim shook his head with a soft laugh,  _'leave it to Bones'_  he thought before posing his question. "What would you do if you could get a lifetime supply of bourbon, but the trade-off was that you'd have to pee twice every hour?"

Bones' eyebrow crooked up in the corner, a skill that both he and Spock seemed to be masters of but Jim had no hope of emulating. "That's very random, yet specific."

"What can I say? I'm bored. Answer my question!"

"I'd build a freaking toilet into my office. I can handle going to the bathroom for a lifetime supply of bourbon."

Jim couldn't help but snort, the action causing pain to dance across his ribcage. If his last response had been very 'him' then this response was  _very_  'Bones'.

"Sure, laugh." Bones grumbled, "Just cause you can't appreciate good liquor. Um, it's my turn isn't it?"

"That it is." Jim responded quietly, waiting patiently for Bones' question. The room was engulfed in silence for maybe three minutes before Jim got worried enough to break it. "Bones?"

"Sorry, jus' thinkin'. Alright, what if you only had one night to live?"

"A little morbid there don't ya think?" Jim asked with an easy chuckle, feeling more at ease now that Bones was talking again.

"What can I say? The macabre scenery's finally gotten to me."

"Fair enough." Jim relented, glancing around at the destruction that was visible to him without moving. He hadn't really paid much attention to it, too preoccupied first with the fear of amputation then with concern for his best friend. The scenery did paint a pretty picture, support beams and pillars lying sideways, the delicate material of the walls smashed open to show the demolished inner workings of the once pristine building. Jim followed the path of a lose wire to the amazingly still intact eye of a security camera. He had the sudden urge to wave, deciding at the last second he didn't want to waste the energy when there was no one on the other end to see him. "One night. I think I'd like to spend it with my crew. Just relaxing and enjoying life as the stars fly by. Maybe even take a risk with a certain science officer." Jim felt his eyes lose focus as he seriously contemplated the best way to die. He had to say, searing, burning agony from radiation was probably one of the worst, but seeing as how he had no intentions of recklessly testing out other ways he couldn't be positive. "One thing's for certain, I wouldn't want it to be on Earth."

That was one thing he could say about his brush with death: it'd been for a worthy cause. And he didn't regret his decision in the least. Thinking of his ship and the repairs she was undergoing made his heart flutter and something acidic and nauseating swirl in the base of his stomach. "Hey Bones?" He began, swallowing thickly and resisting the urge to vomit, the fear of uncertainty almost overwhelming him. "What would you do- if I wasn't captain of the  _Enterprise_  anymore?"


	9. IX

"-if I wasn't captain of the  _Enterprise_  anymore?"

Bones' eyes scrunched up in confusion. He realized his head was a garbled mess and he really couldn't remember much of anything, but he knew,  _he_ _ **knew**_ , Jim was still captain. "You turnin' in a resignation?"

"Just answer the damn question." Jim replied, somewhat testily, and that was when Bones realized,  _'this means something to him.'_  It wasn't just a simple query, the question held weight. Which was why Bones had to give the most honest answer he could come up with.

"I don' know."  _Okay, so that wasn't the best reply, maybe a little more elaboration…_ "There's nothin' for me on Earth, but if you weren' out there, there'd be nothin' for me in space either. Why d'you ask?"

Jim remained silent for a beat, biting his lower lip as he inwardly articulated his answer. Whatever he said next, Bones knew it was going to be important. "There's a hearing, in two days. Star Fleet's going to evaluate my actions and decisions and determine if I'm fit to captain or not."

Bones' heart sank to somewhere near his knees, he knew 'Fleet was pissed over what happened, he just hadn't expected them to take it out on Jim. "You think they'll take the ship away from you?" It was obvious that was Jim's fear, but Bones assumed he'd need a little nudging if he was really going to talk about it.

Jim released a heavy sigh, shaking his head. "I really don't know."

"They can't do that." Bones stated, conviction clear in his voice. There were a lot of things that could simply not be done, and taking the  _Enterprise_  away from Jim was one of those things. That ship was far more than just a flying tin-can to Jim, it was his job, his goal, his home. "That ship's your baby."

"It's more Scotty's baby." Jim corrected with a smirk, trying to deflect.

Bones scowled, refusing to take the bait. "Not the point. Jim, do you really think they'd do that? And then what?"

"I honestly have no idea. Hopefully Spock would be able to stay, maybe even become Captain." Jim's eyes glazed over as he lost himself in his imagination, the smile that briefly touched his lips making Bones' heart soar. "He'd make a good captain." Jim whispered before seeming to come to himself and blink back to reality. "And the rest of the crew, they'd keep their jobs too."

_That_  statement took a while to process, but when it finally did Bones could feel his face growing redder by the minute. "So it's only you." He stated in clipped disbelief. "Why would Star Fleet do that?"

"They need  _some_ one to take the blame for what happened." Jim supplied immediately, pausing to cough painfully before he continued. "Half the city's destroyed Bones. Marcus is  _dead_ , the man who crashed a ship into downtown San Francisco is in a cryo-tube, who else is there?"

"They're gonna crucify you for somethin' that was in no way your fault." Bones scoffed, shaking his head delicately with a sneer of disgust. If he'd been capable of more movement his hands would have been flying. "Unbelievable."

Jim shook his head with a soft sigh, something he'd been doing a lot of lately, and for the first time Bones noticed how tired Jim looked. It wasn't the typical, 'just working too hard' type of tired either. Jim was  _exhausted_. There were dark purple bags under his slightly hallow eyes, and his entire body just looked ragged. Mind, he wasn't expecting Jim to look the  _greatest_ , they were trapped in a collapsed building, but still. The kid looked awful. Something in Bones ached to do something, to help, treat,  _fix_ , but deep down, he knew this was a problem he wasn't equipped to solve.

Obviously the transfusion had been hard on Jim, but Bones hadn't even been aware of the stress the kid was facing because of everything that had happened. It simply wasn't fair, when someone gives their life for a cause they should be honored, not targeted. ' _Although, not many people had actually given their life for a cause and lived to deal with the consequences.'_ Bones figured.

"I don't know for sure." Jim's voice was soft, weary, his dull eyes defeated, and it took Bones a minute to remember exactly what it was they were talking about. "Although after this."

Bones felt his eyebrows dig together seemingly of their own accord.  _This what? The situation they were in?_ "What's this got to do with anything?"

"They told me to lie low, to keep my head down and maybe we could sort this out quietly." Jim released a laugh void of any humor and gestured helplessly at his surroundings. "And now I'm stuck in the rubble of a collapsed building. Great job there."

It may have been the concussion, but Bones couldn't even articulate how angry he was. There were simply no words. "Jim, they can't possibly blame you for this, the building  _collapsed_."

"But I'm here." Jim's wan smile widened, his eyes roaming the decimated ceiling. "What are the odds of that, for real? I must have the worst luck in the universe."

A small thought flittered behind his aching eyes, and he pondered it a minute before figuring,  _yes he should share._ "Or the best."

Jim snorted and glanced up at him like he'd grown a second head.

' _Okay, elaboration required.'_ "I'm serious. You should be dead  _so_  many times over. At first, it may look like bad luck to get in all those situations to begin with, but then ya know, you survive 'em. I'm no Vulcan calculator, but I assume the odds o' that aren't very likely."

"I guess." Jim acquiesced, but didn't look fully convinced.

_Time to play the trump card._  "Jim, you rose from the dead. You know how many other people have done that?"

"Bones-" Jim began, but he was on a roll now and there would be no stopping him.

"I can only count one."

Jim's eyes widened, cheeks flushing scarlet at the obvious implication. "Oh come on, you did not just compare me to-"

"Yeah, ya know if took Him three days? You did it in one." Bones finished with a sniff, he realized that statement could be considered offensive but there was no one down there to hear it anyway. Besides, the wide-eyed, slightly disbelieving but mostly amused expression on Jim's face more than paid off for any blasphemy he may have committed.

"You did  _not_  just say that!" Jim practically screeched "Why in God's name am I friend's with you?"

Bones simply shrugged, the answer seeming simple enough to him. "Because we bonded over bourbon and vomit."

"That's disgusting."

" _That_  is the start of a good friendship."

Jim ran a hand over his forehead, eyes closed in disbelief. But there was a smile on his lips, and at least for the moment he didn't seem to be aware of his trapped legs. Bones may not have been able to focus very well, but he'd noticed the way Jim's eyes would dart about the room, even more guarded than they usually were. Any form of distraction he could provide, just to make the cautious glances and hard-set jaw abate slightly, made him feel better.

"Do you hear that?" Jim questioned suddenly, cocking his head to the side, eyes wondering as he craned to hear something.

Bones paused, but didn't hear anything. "No." He replied gruffly.

"Shhh." Jim shot back immediately, causing a flutter of annoyance to flitter through his head.

"Jim, what exactly-" but he was once again silenced. He was just about to snap at Jim not to 'shush' him when a small noise penetrated the incessant ring he'd grown used to. "What is that?"

Jim's face brightened with a smile, his electric eyes drifting up to meet Bones', "Sounds like rescue."


	10. X

The initial excitement of impending release from their stone prison quickly died down as the soft tapping noise he'd initially heard faded away into nothingness, the all-encompassing silence that followed almost deafening.

"Maybe they're just, looking for a new place to dig?" Bones questioned, and Jim could tell the optimism in his tone was forced.

"Yeah, maybe." Jim readily agreed, suppressing a sigh and swallowing his disappointment as he felt his chest deflate. He'd been so  _sure_. But maybe it had just been falling debris, maybe they were no closer to getting out of there than when he'd fist woken up. Suddenly the pressure on his legs seemed to increase exponentially, the air around him thickening and sticking in his airway. He felt Bones' hands running small circles through his hair, shushing him gently.

"It shouldn't be long now." He stated gently. He sounded so sure, but Jim had been positive he'd heard someone earlier and that had clearly been nothing.

 _It was hopeless. His whole life, and for this to be how it ended, in the rubble of a stupid building. 'So much for dying in space.'_ Jim thought mirthlessly.

"I'm sure Spock and the others are searching for us."

Jim's entire world froze, racing thoughts screeching to a jarring halt. That name, that one simple name, it was amazing the effect it had on him. Immediately calming, he felt his breathing even out, his tunnel-vision dissipating. "Yeah, Spock's coming." His voice was slightly more breathless than usual, but he could feel his pulse slowing as a smile touched his lips.

If there was one certainty in his life at that moment, it was that Spock was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, they're not getting rescued yet. But our boys will get out of there soon enough I promise! If we know anything about Spock it's that he won't rest until Jim is safe! XD


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I really don't even know what to say. I'm super sorry this took so long to update. I've been struggling a lot lately with things and I just had zero motivation to do anything. But here I am, I'm back. And I just want everyone to know that I've seen and read all the comments. They fill me with life, I sincerely thank everyone who has taken the time to give me feedback on this piece. Thank you, so much!

Jim sighed lightly, even that little bit of exertion causing his ribs to grate together.  _He'd have to be careful, he could tell any unnecessary jostling would more than likely cause some serious damage._

"You good?" Bones whispered, or maybe his voice had just become that weak.

_Apparently he hadn't hid his wince as well as he'd thought._ "Yeah I'm good." He replied immediately, even though he was basically the exact opposite of good at the moment.  _'Not dead though, that's a plus.'_  "Um, I'm pretty sure it's your turn." Jim sniffed, deciding a swift and easy change in topic was needed.

"Alright," Bones began, hesitating to think of a question. "What if you could change one thing in history?"

Jim blinked, forcing himself to breath deeply, then released a slow, measured breath through his nose. His voice was quieter, wearier, when he finally answered. "You already know what I'd change."

Bones paused a moment, blinking as if trying to figure out what it was that Jim was alluding to. Realization seemed to dawn behind his eyes and a look of regret crossed his face. "Oh yeah. Stupid of me to ask."

Jim released a slightly uneasy sigh, shrugging it off with a shaking grin. "It's okay." He reassured.

He knew most people would assume he'd choose to change the fact that his father died. And on the surface, that seemed like the optimal thing to change. If his father had survived, his life would have been infinitely better; Sam wouldn't have run away, his mother could have stood the sight of him, no Uncle Frank, no reckless driving.  _No Tarsus IV._

' _Except Tarsus IV would have still_ _ **happened**_ _.'_ There was no stopping that, even if George Kirk had survived. How could he bring himself to wish for something as simply selfish as his father's life when so many others had lost families as well?

The answer was simple.  _He couldn't._ No, there was only one thing Jim would change.

He glanced up at his best friend's blood stained features and he couldn't help the flutter of curiosity that ran through his body. "What would you change?" He questioned quietly, his soft voice echoing off the dilapidated walls.

Bones stared in contemplation, either attempting to process the question or thinking of an answer he couldn't tell for sure. "I'd change Tarsus IV." Bones stated, voice weak but the conviction behind it strong and sure.

Jim couldn't help but gasp, blinking his eyes rapidly to abate the water that immediately began burning behind them. He understood why  _he_  would choose something like Tarsus IV, but Bones hadn't been there.  _'He doesn't even know what happened, not really.'_  Plus there were so many others things he could have wished for.  _His marriage, his father's life,_ _ **any**_ _thing._  "Why?" Jim practically choked on that one word.

Again, it took Bones a while to respond, but when he did his answer left no room for questions. "It was awful, and evil, and has affected so many people in  _so_  many different ways. It changed people's lives, and that's not fair. It stole innocence from  _children_ , and something that atrocious, is unforgiveable."

A wet laugh escaped Jim's throat and he had to wipe away the tears as they fell, but he was smiling the entire time, his heart fluttering and making him slightly lightheaded. "You never cease to amaze Bones." He whispered, voice thick with emotion. Glancing up, cerulean met brown and Jim did his best to convey everything he was currently feeling.  _Gratitude, amazement, wonder, love, appreciation._ There were too many emotions to classify and far too many to put a name to each.

But Bones, god bless the man, seemed to understand exactly what he was feeling. Things he always meant to say but never had the courage to voice out loud.

The two sat in silence, Bones waiting patiently for him to get his breathing back under control. His presence, a reassuring hand in his hair, grounding him and giving support, was most appreciated.

When Bones finally spoke again, after Jim had stopped sniffling and swiping at pesky tears, the man's eyes were drooping, and his words beginning to slur together, but he pressed the game forward. Whether for his own benefit or Jim's was unknown. "What if you could say three things before you died?"

Jim couldn't help the huff of a laugh that escaped his lips before his smile fell, his eyes clouding over.  _He hadn't had much of a chance to say anything the last time. Three things, only three things to make up for a lifetime of sins._ He swallowed thickly, breathing as deeply as he could. Wetting his lips with a quick swipe of his tongue, Jim internally articulated his answer. "I'd tell my mom sorry, for everything."  _'Because god knew she hadn't treated him very well but it wasn't as if_ _ **he'd**_ _made things any easier.'_ "I'd tell the crew what an honor it's been to work with them, get to know them,  _love_ them." Jim swallowed again, eyes brimming with unshed tears. He knew what he wanted to say, he just wasn't sure exactly how.  _How could he express everything his friend meant to him in just a few simple words? There weren't enough words to describe what Bones meant to him. 'I should still try.'_ "And I'd, I'd tell you-" He paused, glancing upwards, hoping to make eye contact to help drive his point home, prove how serious he was. But the sight that met his eyes sent daggers of ice flooding through his veins, almost stopping his heart from beating.

Bones was lying above him, eyes closed, breathing slow. He was slumped against a slab of concrete, features pale against their dank background. "Hey," Jim began, terrified by the way his voice quivered. "No sleeping remember. Rise and shine."

Jim watched Bones' face intently, craning his neck to get a better look. "No, no you don't get to do this. Goddammit you don't get to do this! Wake up!" He shouted, voice cracking, rising in pitch as he drew closer to panicking. " _I'm_  the one who's gonna die first, remember? Because I'm crazy and reckless and you aren't always gonna be able to patch me up. And you're gonna swear, and shake me, and curse my name.  _Not_  the other way around! Wake  _up_!"

Tears rolled freely down his dirtied cheeks, mingling with the dirt and pooling at the base of his throat. His ribs screamed at the abuse but he couldn't stop.  _'It can't end like this.'_ "Help!" Jim cried weekly, begging, pleading with whatever deity may have been listening that someone would come to their rescue. "Please help! Please." He gasped, sniffing and wiping the tears out of his eyes. He glanced up once more at the man that meant so much to him, the man that had saved him, both literally and figuratively. "This isn't how it ends, it's  _not_. You listen to me you bastard, you are not allowed to die." Jim gasped, wincing when he twisted his body. He had to move, wake Bones up, keep them both alive until help arrived. "Listen to me, you do not get to die, I'll make it an order if I have to!"

Jim arched his back to attempt to get a better angle, smack Bones around a bit, he wasn't really sure what he had been attempting to do. Either way, it didn't matter. A nauseating crack resounded around the building in tandem with his movement and suddenly white-hot pain flooded his vision. He gasped meekly but couldn't seem to inhale enough oxygen.  _The world was fading fast, falling behind a black curtain of pain._

He felt something wet soaking into his shirt and realization dawned,  _'My ribs. One of them pierced through.'_ Bones always warned him against moving too much when his ribs were injured.  _"You never know when to quit. Just sit_ _ **still**_ _! Before I tie you down to the bed."_

He paused, contemplating, still gasping for breath. But as the world faded from grey to black, Jim Kirk smiled and attempted to chuckle. Bones wouldn't be surprised. Not at all.


	12. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And second update of the day! Hopefully to make up for not updating in like, ever. Hope you enjoy!

The world was soft and fuzzy around the edges in the way he had come to recognize as:  _'pain killers.'_

He  _hated_  pain killers. Why had Bones even given him pain killers?  _'I must be hurt worse that I thought.'_  The Doctor knew he'd refuse them if given the chance, so he must have been ambushed by a hypo before he'd been fully aware of what was going on.

Jim cracked his eyes open but had to slam them shut immediately because the sudden assault of light was too much for him to handle. But he'd seen enough to know one thing:  _he wasn't on board the Enterprise._

Images flashed to the forefront of his brain. A destroyed building, dust clinging to the air, Bones' face, lax and pale. He bolted upright with a gasp, eyes snapping open. He barely flinched at the sting of lights, too focused instead on the wellbeing and whereabouts of his best friend.

Machinery wailed behind him and soon enough hospital staff came rushing through the door. They were shouting at him, at least, it seemed like shouting to his overstimulated senses. Everything was much more intense than usual, the lights brighter, the noise  _louder_.

He could feel the pull of newly mended skin across his lower chest, winced slightly as he stretched it farther than it was currently capable of. But none of that mattered. "Bnes," He gasped, barely able to speak, his throat felt so dry and scratchy, swallowing infuriated the sandpaper sensation even further. "Wher's Bnes?"

"Please, Captain Kirk, you have to lie back down." A female nurse called to him, shoving his shoulder gently.

Another orderly was holding his abdomen steady, but he bucked against their grip. They didn't know what he  _had_  to do, didn't understand his need to find his friend and assure the man was still breathing.

"Doctor!" Another nurse called, her curly hair frazzled, indicating she'd already had a trying day.

A third female entered the room, her gaze steely and gate steady in a way that indicated she was used to being in charge. She expected to be listened to.

_Too bad Bones was the only doctor he listened to._

As if able to read his mind the doctor stepped forward and pressed a hypo to his neck. There was the familiar hiss and a pinch as the medication entered his system.

The effect was almost instantaneous, the fight immediately leaving his body and his eyelids drooping. He felt his head being lowered onto his pillow, but his gaze searched about the room, desperately looking for any answers to latch onto before unconsciousness claimed him once again.

Just before he succumbed to the medically induced haze, his gaze swiveled towards the pressurized doors leading to his room. The world was beginning to blur, but he could just make out the familiar, ram-rod straight form of his first officer standing stoically off to the side. Then for the second time that day, darkness claimed him.

When he awoke the next time the world was a little less foggy and his memory slightly less jumbled. He knew where he was, why he was there, but he didn't know the aftermath. What had happened in the time that had elapsed since their rescue?

Fortunately when he peeked his eyes open he was met with a sight that would most likely result in him receiving answers. "Spock."  _God his voice sounded awful._

"Yes Captain."

Jim paused, taking a full thirty seconds to swallow. When he opened eyes he hadn't realized he'd closed, there was a very inviting looking glass of water in front of him, bright green straw extended towards his mouth.

He leaned forward slightly and greedily gulped down the liquid. With a sigh of relief he fell back against his pillows and glanced up at his First Officer, who was just putting the cup on his nightstand.

"Hey." Jim managed to whisper, afraid of speaking too loudly.

Spock inclined his head, his pristine eyebrows furrowing slightly as he opened his mouth to reply. "Hey." The word sounded strange coming from Spock, and Jim could tell it had felt weird on the Vulcan's tongue. Still, the effort made him smile.

He caught himself staring and quickly snapped his mind back to the present.  _'Answers now, day-dream later.'_  "So what happened?"

"How much do you remember?" Spock asked, making Jim roll his eyes.

"I'm not concussed and I don't have any memory loss. I want to know what happened after I blacked out."

Spock straightened, clasping his hands firmly behind his back, before he began to speak. "The banging you heard was in fact the rescue team,"

Jim blinked in confusion,  _how did they know he'd heard any banging?_  But he quickly refocused on what Spock was saying.

"they were forced to halt their efforts and re-start due to unstable debris. They were very close to breaking through when they heard your shouting. Several minutes later they were able to penetrate and arrived to find both you and the Doctor unconscious."

Jim sat up slightly straighter at the mention of his best friend.

"One of your ribs had shifted, puncturing your lung and breaking through your skin. Several other of your ribs were also injured but have since been healed. The doctors also treated you for minor lacerations but warned me that you would be bruised and sore."

' _Hadn't there been something else?'_  He wondered, before his heart panged with the memory. Glancing down toward his feet Jim saw they were secured within a stasis field.

Spock noticed the direction of his attention and was quick to elaborate. "Your legs were placed in a stasis filed to prevent you from accidentally injuring them further. The damage was quite extensive but is reversible."

Jim released a heavy sigh of relief he hadn't even been aware he'd been holding.  _He'd be able to walk again._

"However," Jim's eyes snapped up as the Vulcan started speaking again. "they are not, as of yet, completely healed, and as such you will be currently unable to walk. The doctors did not wish to stress your body too much before it was ready."

Jim nodded, noting for the first time the addition of a wheelchair next to the foot of his bed. He swallowed heavily, knowing what he needed to ask but finding himself afraid of what he might hear.  _'Not knowing is worse.'_ "And Bones?"

Spock inhaled deeply before responding. "The Doctor's condition is quite serious, but not without hope. After your rescue he was operated on immediately to relieve the pressure building in his brain. At present, his vitals are stable and he is showing healthy brain waves, although he has yet to regain consciousness."

Jim nodded to himself as he processed that information.  _Healthy but unconscious, he could deal with that._  "I'm gonna go see him." He stated matter-of-factly, sitting up and expertly switching off the stasis field. He maneuvered the wheelchair next to his bed and pulled the brake so it wouldn't slip away from him.

"Captain," Spock began, but one glare from Jim silenced him, momentarily at any rate.

Jim didn't care if he was technically supposed to stay in bed, he was  _going_  to see his friend. With an ease that spoke of far too many visits to the hospital, Jim slipped off the bed and into his chair, gingerly arranging his legs once he'd done so. He hated wheelchairs, but he hated the idea of a longer recovery time even more.

"Jim, there is one other issue you should be aware of."

Jim sighed tersely, pulling the parking brake so the chair would move. "Is it related to Bones' health?"  _Because that was all that mattered at the moment._

"Not strictly." Spock replied truthfully.

"Then it can wait." Jim stated decisively, navigating the gently floating chair out of the room and into the hallway.

That was where his plan hit a bit of a snag, he had no idea what room Bones was in.

"372." Spock spoke softly from the entrance to his hospital room.

"Thanks." Jim mumbled, not in the least bit surprised Spock had been able to correctly deduce what his hold-up had been caused by.

" _You guys practically read each other's minds."_

" _We're just starting to understand one another." Jim corrected, unable to keep the smile off his face._

" _Yeah well, if you start finishing each other's sentences, I may murder ya."_

Jim felt a smile tug at his lips as the chair hovered at a moderate pace down the hallway. Bones had a way of always getting him to smile, even unintentionally.  _'Usually unintentionally.'_

"Captain, while I understand your desire to see your friend, there is a matter that is slightly more pertinent." Spock informed, taking a few large strides and easily catching up to his chair-bound friend

He sighed warily, glancing up at Spock with his wide yet determined eyes. "The admiralty can wait; if I lost my ship I lost my ship, nothing I say or do now is gonna change that. But I- Bones needs me right now." He wasn't going to say it out loud, but Spock appeared to understand his hidden meaning.  _'I need him too.'_

After a moment of the two staring at each other, Spock inclined his head. Jim smiled softly in thanks before turning and making his way towards the elevator.

He herd their footsteps before their voices, hoping he could reach the elevators before they saw him.

"Jim!"

' _No such luck.'_

"Keiptin!"

He bit back a sigh, physically forcing his face to remain neutral so he didn't look too annoyed when he turned around. He understood why they had come, but all he wanted at that moment was to see his injured friend. "Hey." He managed with a weary smile.

"Listen Jim," Uhura began, she was slightly out of breath and her eyes were alight with something he couldn't quite place. An excited looking Chekov and stony-faced Sulu were following two steps behind her. "About what happened down there-"

That time he wasn't able to contain his annoyed huff. "I'll explain later okay? I promise I will, but right now-"

"You don't need to." Uhura cut him off, and damn if that proclamation didn't have his entire train of thought screeching to a halt.

Jim felt his eyes crinkle as he attempted to process the exact meaning of her statement. "What?"

"You don't need to explain anything." Sulu butted in unhelpfully.

"Yes!" Chekov nodded enthusiastically, elaborating slightly," Ve saw ze vhole zing!"

His eyes widened slightly, hoping desperately he was misunderstanding something. Instinctually his gaze drifted back to Uhura, knowing out of the three of them she was least likely to bullshit him.

However, her response was anything but helpful. " _Every_ one saw the whole thing."

Jim paused, blinked. "Oh." He whispered, felt his heart plummet, stopping to rest snugly above his pelvis as he took in the extent of what that declaration actually meant.  _ **'Oh.'**_


	13. XIII

His mind was working on over-drive, thoughts flying through at one hundred miles a minute.  _He was so fired._

But it was the  _how_  that was actually bothering him, an annoying itch in the base of his skull, a burning need to know, to understand, as if that knowledge alone could bring some semblance of order back to his life. "Okay, from the beginning."

"After the initial collapse we were busy working on a rescue plan." Uhura was quick to begin and he mentally thanked the stars she was part of his command crew. "It was on almost every channel, but no one had any information; how many people were inside, how many were alive, how it had even happened; we didn't know. Then the regular channels cut out, they'd been hacked by an outside source that we couldn't trace. It looked like the hacker had gotten into the buildings security cameras."

Jim couldn't help but sigh, that stupid camera had been recording that whole time.  _He'd looked right at it._

"We weren't able to shut it off." Sulu noted somberly, and Jim noted that even Chekov's excitement had died down.

They all knew what that meant, the consequences he would likely be facing.

"So how much did you see?" Jim questioned, his eyes flicking up to Spock nervously. He realized there were bigger things to worry about just then but  _dammit_! He'd spoken about his crush to Bones in confidence, he wasn't ready for anyone else to know. If he was being honest with himself, he wasn't sure if he'd ever actually planned on saying anything.

The way Uhura's gaze darted toward Spock, Chekov's slightly awkward shuffle, told him everything he needed to know.

He'd held onto that tiny sliver of hope that maybe he could've been saved that one piece of information, that maybe, just this once, luck could've been on his side.  _"No use worrying about it now.'_  He reasoned.

Jim sighed heavily, maneuvering his chair away from the elevator he'd been so desperately trying to reach. "I suppose the press has gathered."

"They're waiting on a statement." Sulu nodded.

He straightened as much as was physically possibly in his chair, trying his best to maintain whatever dignity he had left,  _'cause the press is gonna tear it to shreds.'_

"Lead the way." He said warily, already dreading the mass pandemonium that would erupt outside.

Chekov gave him a slightly sympathetic look before turning and heading back down the hallway he'd just run down. Sulu nodded his head in affirmation then followed the Russian navigator. Uhura paused briefly, she looked as if she wanted to say something, seemed to think better of it and swiftly headed down the hallway in silence, her long ponytail swaying widely with her gate.

Jim was grateful for that. He hated feeling like an invalid, and the chair  _definitely_  made him feel like an invalid.  _But he hated sympathy more._  The crew was aware of that, and kind enough to respect his wishes.

With another light sigh of resigned defeat Jim commanded his chair forward, moving at a moderate pace down the hallway, Spock following a short distance behind him.  _'Maybe to make sure I don't run.'_  Jim hypothesized with a chuckle.

They hadn't even reached the doors and already he could hear the snarling mass of reporters outside. Like animals.

_God he was not looking forward to this._

' _I could feign illness.'_  Jim thought desperately, attempting to come up with  _any_  solution that didn't result in him getting fed to the wolves.

But then he saw Scotty standing just inside the door, as if awaiting his arrival. The two nodded cordially at one another before Scotty turned and walked outside. Jim was pretty sure his engineer was still upset at the whole 'being knocked unconscious' thing.

' _Not to mention everything_ _ **else**_ _that happened.'_

Obviously Scotty had been just as happy as the rest of the crew when he'd finally awoken, but after that initial high had worn off the two had been on awkward terms. Small conversations, cautious glances. They'd get better, he was sure, he knew Scotty just needed some time.

He paused just before the threshold to the outside world and he sensed more than saw Spock's presence beside him. "This is going to be a shit show." He whispered.

"Quite possibly." Was Spock's cool reply.

Jim glanced down at the chair, at his legs that weren't fully healed. He didn't mind using the chair inside, but out there, in front of everyone? Showing that much weakness made his insides crawl.  _He wasn't supposed to show weakness because the world wasn't supposed to get to him._

A hand on his shoulder sent tingles down his spine and he glanced up to see a warm gaze of dark brown.

"You are as of yet still incapable of walking."

' _Thanks for the reminder.'_  Jim thought bitterly, but he knew Spock didn't mean it in an offensive way. Spock could undoubtedly tell what he was thinking, what he'd been contemplating doing, and reminding him of his current predicament shut that line of thinking down.

_Besides, it would be harder to be mad at someone in a wheelchair._

"You ready?" Jim asked with raised eyebrows.

"Are you?" Spock countered.

He sighed heavily through his mouth, gaze falling to the door. "No." He replied honestly.

He felt the grip on his shoulder tighten momentarily before he inched his chair forward. The doors swooshed open and he was immediately bombarded by flashes, clicks, and shouted demands.

He didn't smile, choosing to keep his face somber as he hovered forward, towards the make-shift stage that had been set up in front of the hospital.

' _This is going to be fun.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so hopefully baring any unforeseen circumstances it'll be smooth sailing until the final chapter! Finals and everything made life a bit crazy there for a hot sec, but yay for break!!   
> Hope you enjoyed!


	14. XIV

"Captain Kirk!"

"Sir!"

"Captain!"

He hoped his eyes weren't too wide, he didn't want to show how unbelievably overwhelmed he was by all the people. Because there were  _so many_  people.

He inhaled deeply, exhaling through his nose in an attempt to get his heartrate to stop beating five hundred miles per hour. Then with a steady hand and voice, he pointed towards a reporter in the front row. "Yes."

The man's shoulders straightened, pulling his tan jacket tight over his chest, as the mob around him settled down. He resituated himself slightly and Jim could tell he felt special being the first one called on by the 'esteemed' Captain of the  _Enterprise_.

"Captain Kirk, obviously there are a ton of rumors flying after the events that transpired. I think I speak for the mass majority when I say it was difficult to hear that the truth about everything that happened a little less than a month ago had been kept from the public."

There were several cheers and claps that erupted from the crowd at the man's words, and he waited for them to quiet again before he continued. "So I was just wondering if you could elaborate on that?"

Jim cleared his throat as he maneuvered in front of the microphone that had been lowered to his level by someone- probably Uhura- so that he'd be able to speak into it without issue. "Um, yes. Star Fleet made the call to keep certain aspects of what happened a secret." He stated elusively. He wasn't sure how much he was allowed to say although, he'd pretty much spilled the can of beans already so it wasn't as if he could do any  _more_  harm.

"Does this have anything to do with the involvement of your very own Admiral Marcus? Was this some sort of cover-up?" One reporter demanded, leaning so far forward he appeared as if a particularly strong gust of wind could knock him right off his feet. And at that precise moment Jim found himself praying for such a gust of wind, if only to create a distraction so he could go hide and escape from this line of questioning.

He paused a moment, waiting.  _No such luck on the wind_ , so with a terse sigh Jim reiterated, "The events that took place, everything that happened with Khan, was something that Star Fleet believed the world was better off not knowing. Because knowing, and  _understanding_ , are two different things. I was there, I know everything that happened and I still don't understand it. It wasn't meant to be a cover-up, it was honestly just meant to protect the people closest such as myself and the crew of the  _Enterprise_."

"How can you say it was to protect you when you yourself stated that you didn't agree with it?" A woman called out, her strong voice piercing the vail of noise that had fluttered to life at his last statement.

Jim swallowed thickly,  _'this is what I didn't want to talk about.'_  Because if there was any hope of salvaging his job, it relied on him  _not_  talking about what had just been asked. "You're right." He began, choosing his words carefully. "I didn't necessarily agree with keeping everything a secret. It  _did_  make me a little uncomfortable. But at the end of the day are we really better off knowing what happened? Are you happier  _knowing_  that a starship didn't accidentally crash into a city but was driven there intentionally by a maniac? Are you happier knowing that Admiral Marcus wasn't killed on impact but had his head  _smashed-_ " Jim cut himself off with a harsh breath, he had to keep his cool and talking about  _that_  was not going to help. "Next question."

An eruption of demands assaulted the stage and it was all he could do not to shy away from it. He had to appear calm and collected, how he handled this now would influence how much the Admiralty would ream him later. Most likely.

"Jim, how do you feel about being called Star Fleet's messiah?" One reporter called loudly.

Jim blinked, shaking his head in shock. "Star Fleet's what-now?" He all but screeched, but the questions kept coming, no one really paying attention to his last question more than answer.  _'Leave it to the press to worry about the_ _ **big**_ _issues.'_  He thought sardonically.

"Jim! Jim!" A middle-aged woman called excitedly, her large grey scarf flapping as she practically jumped over an entire row to be noticed. "Who is this  _science officer_  we heard about?"

He was fairly sure his mouth dropped all the way open at that.  _Was she serious? 'Wait, do they_ _ **honestly**_ _not know who we were talking about?'_  Jim almost laughed out loud at that, barely containing what would have been conceived as a probably unhinged squeak. He forcefully pulled his mouth closed and prayed the red tinge to his cheeks wasn't all that prominent before casting his gaze back out to the mob of reporters. They had quieted slightly but when it became apparent he had no intention of answering the latest question the parasites began their demands anew.

More shouts bombarded the stage but one reporter's question stood out. "What was it like for you, as the Captain? What was going through your head when you gave your life?"

Jim's mouth parted with a muted gasp, his eyes widening and breath quickening. The world around him all but disappeared as his vision began to fade around the edges.  _'God no, no no no. I'm not talking about this, I_ _ **can't**_ _talk about this. Please ground, eat me!'_

Before he could even begin to stumble through a reply Spock's broad shoulders were blocking his view from the public's judgmental eye, "No further questions." He stated, his tone leaving no room for argument. Then he turned, gripped Jim's bicep strongly in one hand and pushed his chair with the other and led him away from the chaos and the questions.

He turned slightly, his brain not fully functioning yet, "Wait, don't I-?" He didn't even know how to finish that sentence.  _What did he even have to do? What was the point to doing any of it when he was just going to be fired?_

Once inside it took a moment for Jim's heart rate to even out, his eyes blinking rapidly to keep unwanted tears at bay. His breathing was loud and harsh against the sudden silence of the hospital walls, "Thanks." He whispered finally, voice quivering and quiet.

"It was no problem Captain, their questions were completely inappropriate. Also if I had not intervened when I did, I believe Lieutenant Uhura may have done something rash."

"Ah. Well-"

"Also, I was entirely uncomfortable with their tone and their demands of you. You should go visit the Doctor, I know you have been wishing to see him since you were rescued approximately 6.72 hours ago." And with that Spock turned and walked brusquely towards the doors, leaving a completely stunned Jim in his wake.

"Um, thanks." Jim mumbled when he was finally able to think clearly, but by that time he was just whispering to a vacant hallway.


	15. XV

Jim had to blink several times before his brain decided to start functioning again, and it took a harsh shake of his head to snap his body back to the present as well.

' _What just happened?'_

Bicep still tingling from where Spock had gripped it, he directed his chair towards the elevator.

Had it really only been less than seven hours since they'd been rescued?  _It felt so much longer than that, impossibly long but short at the same time._

His whole inner clock was messed up, flipped sideways and running backwards. He wasn't sure how long it would be before it was back to normal, but he knew one thing that would help.

The third floor was quiet and filled with surprisingly few patients. He supposed most of the overflow from Khan's attack would have been sent home already.

There had been a miraculously low number of actual casualties throughout the whole ordeal, but any more than zero was still too many when the scenario could've been avoided in the first place.

' _Enough.'_  Jim thought harshly, he knew he'd spin himself in circles if he let himself go down that road. He was there to see Bones, not lament over the past.

_372._  He found himself hovering just outside the door, unable to bring himself to enter.  _Was it fear?_  He knew Bones was stable, Spock wouldn't have lied to him, but he still couldn't work up the courage to push his chair into the room.

Maybe he didn't want to accept reality. Going in there would destroy the last fleeting shred of hope that this was all just a bad dream that he could wake up from.

"I think he's worried about you."

Jim startled at the sudden voice beside him, surprised someone had been able to sneak up on him.  _He must have been more out of it than he thought._  He glanced up at his communications officer, not at all shocked that she was the one who had sought him out. "How do you figure?" He asked in response to her statement.

"You can just tell, ya know? He's got the same crinkle in his forehead that he does whenever you're hurt, or in a dangerous situation. He worries a lot about you." Uhura kept her gaze forward, towards the bed where their friend was lying.

He huffed out a tired laugh at that, "Yeah, he tells me I'm gonna make him go grey before his time."

Uhura's voice remained quiet, eyes set determinedly before her. "He's not the only one you know."

Jim felt his eyebrows crinkle, "The only one what?"

"That worries about you," Small brown eyes met confused blue, "He's not the only one. You should go in there, I think he needs it almost as much as you do." Then Uhura bent forward and pecked a gentle kiss to Jim's cheek, leaving before his brain could fully catch up.

' _ **Seriously**_ _what is going on?'_  With a shake of his head, Jim inhaled deeply and commanded his chair forward, not entirely prepared but positive he needed to enter.

It was fairly boring, as hospital rooms went. A couple chairs, a couch across the far left wall, one window with the blinds closed. And a bed in the center, it's one occupant laying with closed eyes and looking slightly pale. If it hadn't been for all the machines beeping in dissonance, he could've believed Bones was just sleeping. But no, there were all sorts of numbers and percentages on the screens above the bed, and even though he'd been in a similar bed more times than he could count, the readings were still gibberish to him. He couldn't understand what they meant, if it was good or bad or simply the way it was.

"Hey." He began, fighting to keep his voice from quivering. "Who do I have to bribe to get a good room huh? I didn't get a couch, and your view is  _way_  better." Jim chatted aimlessly, never mind that he couldn't see anything out Bone's window and he'd never even bothered to look out his own.

The doors whooshed open, making Jim gasp. The nurse that was walking in released a low yelp and dropped her load of fresh towels. The poor girl was obviously not expecting anyone else to be in the room, and the fact that he was not in any way aware of his surroundings did not help matters.

"I am so sorry." He began immediately, instinctually moving closer as though he wanted to assist in cleaning up the mess, but hovering a foot in the air as he was, he really would be of no help.

"No it's alright," She stammered, shoving slightly unruly black hair behind a pale ear. "I just wasn't expecting anyone to be in here. In fact, I'm actually not sure if anyone is  _supposed_  to be in here."

"Oh, well I'm sure that can just be our secret, right?" He put on his best smile and waited for her to glance up, expecting her to blush slightly and giggle like most other girls did when he looked at them that way.  _Crude but effective, he knew how to use his strengths._

However, when the young lady had finished bundling the now messy stack of towels back into her arms and finally glanced up, her sapphire eyes widened, and the pile of towels once again tumbled to the floor as her mouth fell open. "Oh, you-you're Captain Kirk."

"That I am." Jim replied with a little shrug.

"Wow um, it is such an honor." She stated hastily, climbing to her feet and extending an eager hand to shake. "You're like, a hero."

He felt his cheeks burn slightly, "More or less." He replied with an easy smile, never showing how uncomfortable he was,  _because it was mostly less._

"No I mean, you are like, an inspiration. You are amazing. And I-I'd heard you were in the hospital but, I don't know, I never expected to run into to you." She cut herself off with a delicate cough, her feet shuffling. "I'm going to stop rambling now. I'm sorry if I've disturbed you at all."

Normally he would've shut any of her fears down immediately, but her words had confused him slightly. "Wait, you mean you don't know who your patient is?"

Her mouth parted and a crimson streak flushed its way across her face. "Oh, I-I'm not-"

"Oh!"  _'Stupid!'_ He chastised himself. "I'm sorry, I just assumed you were the attending nurse."

She smiled awkwardly, bobbing her head slightly. "Nope. I'm actually pretty new here, and I just restock rooms."

He shook his head with a soft laugh, "Let's try this again. Hello, my name's Jim."

"Arya. Pleasure to meet you sir!"

He couldn't help but cringe, "Just Jim, please."

"Alright 'Just Jim'." Arya smiled warmly before bending and hastily scooping up all the towels. "I'll just refold these and get out of your way."

"You're not in anyone's way, take your time." He reassured her before turning back to the bed, chuckling softly. If only Bones had been awake for that interaction, he would've gotten a kick out of it.

"Is he a friend of yours?" Arya's soft voice called his attention to the back of the room.

He didn't know what to say at first, the word  _friend_  seemed inadequate somehow, like it couldn't describe everything that Bones was to him.

"I'm sorry sir, you don't have to answer that question obviously."

"No it's alright, I just- he's a really good friend. He's also the chief medical officer on my ship."

"Oh, Doctor McCoy!" Arya's voice perked, Jim saw her smile fall in the reflection on the screen's above Bones' bed. "I saw what happened to you two. I'm sorry to hear about- I'm really sorry."

"Everybody's sorry." He whispered, voice tinged with disgust. "It seems like that's all anybody is anymore."

Arya shuffled again, obviously unsure how she should respond to his statement. She seemed to decide busying herself with putting the towels away was her best option, and Jim was silently thankful for that.  _He really didn't feel like talking anymore._

The young woman stopped just outside the door, "I  _am_  sorry." She whispered, her quiet conviction making Jim's eyes water.

_Why? Why did she care enough to repeat herself, to say so strongly that she was sorry for what had happened? She didn't even_ _**know** _ _him._

He sat in silence for quite a while after Arya left, he knew Bones would yell at him for brooding, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't quite explain how he was feeling aside for that it felt lousy. He was frustrated and angry and sad, and a portion of him wanted to shout at his best friend lying unconscious on the bed before him, but mostly he just wanted to run. To get away from everything that was happening and escape from reality for a little while.

His chair hovered close to the bed, yet far enough away that he couldn't actually touch his friend. He felt the urge to talk but didn't really know what to say. If Bones had been awake he wouldn't have needed to say anything.

The door opened with a hiss and Jim glanced around to see Bones' actual nurse walk through. She was an older woman with short brown hair that was just beginning to grey. She looked friendly yet stern and Jim knew immediately Bones would like her.  _'They're gonna get along when he wakes up.'_ He thought with a chuckle.

"Excuse me dear." The nurse said softly, working her way up the bed to check on her patient.

He watched her work in silence for a moment before his anxiety got the best of him. He hadn't yet heard Bones' prognosis. "Is- He's gonna be okay, right?"

The nurse looked up at him with wide eyes, either she'd forgotten he was there or she hadn't been expecting him to say anything. "Hasn't the doctor talked to you?"

Jim huffed awkwardly, "Haven't had a chance. I didn't wake up all that long ago myself."

"Would you like me to go fetch him for you?"

"No, no that's okay. You're in charge of his health too, just give me the low-down on what's happening. I never understand those large words anyway." He smiled brightly, hoping he did a good enough job of covering up how nervous he was.

The nurse sighed, she seemed to contemplate something, looking intently at him before she turned to face him fully. "I'm not going to sugar coat this for you Captain."

Jim managed to control his features enough not to gape at her in surprise.  _Of course she knew who he was._

"Leonard's injuries are very serious. As I'm sure you're aware, losing consciousness when concussed is dangerous. And because Leonard hasn't yet regained consciousness, we haven't been able to assess his mental health. His brain waves are reading at a healthy rate but we can't be sure until he wakes up."

Jim nodded slowly, soaking in all the new information like a sponge. "But he  _will_  wake up, right?" He hated how pathetically weak he sounded, but he was scared and as bad as the information was, he needed answers.

The nurse inhaled through her nose, staring at him intently before continuing. "As of right now, we're not sure. All of the monitors point to yes, but his condition hasn't changed at all, which is abnormal. Now perhaps he's just healing internally, that's something that does happen. But like I said, we can't be sure he hasn't sustained any lasting damage."

He blinked rapidly, tears burning his eyes and blurring his vision. "Okay. Okay, what uh- what are his odds?"

"As far as I'm aware, they're pretty good."

' _ **Pretty**_ _good. What the fuck does that even mean?'_  He found himself desperate for more concrete information; numbers, statistics, percentages.  _Good God where was Spock when he needed him?_ "Do you have a number?"

"The doctor most likely does, I'm just his nurse." Said nurse-  _did he honestly not even know her name?_ \- sounded as if she was getting a little annoyed so Jim chose to refrain from demanding anything else of her and let her finish her duties undisturbed.

He probably should have felt bad for bothering her in the first place, but he didn't. He couldn't bring himself to care about something so trivial, not when Bones was potentially suffering brain damage.

Jim released a shaky breath, thankful he was already seated because he felt extremely lightheaded. He had to get back to the bed,  _touch_  Bones, that way he could at least know his friend was still alive, if not awake.

Just before he'd gotten to the bed the door whooshed open once again.

He whirled around, ready to unleash a torrent of insults on whoever had just walked in. It wasn't their fault, and they hadn't done anything wrong-  _'yet.'_  –but he was tired of people and their attitudes and demands and sympathy.

Spock's calm features were the  _last_  thing he expected to see and he felt his sails immediately deflating.

"Expecting a different person?" Sock questioned, ever astute.

He sighed lightly and shrugged his shoulders. "Not sure who I was expecting honestly."

The room lapsed into a slightly awkward silence. There was a new sort of tension between the two of them that had never been there before, it was different than the anger both had felt towards one another when they first met, or even the hesitant exploring of a new budding friendship. He knew what was to blame, knew they'd have to address the issue eventually.  _'Just not now.'_

He could handle a lot of things at once, it was what allowed him to be a good captain, but he absolutely could not handle rejection on top of everything else.  _The emotion was familiar enough, but presently, he knew it would break him._

"So, what's up?" He asked quietly.

Spock straightened his back and clasped his hands firmly behind him, making Jim internally roll his eyes.  _He'd told the guy he didn't have to be so formal all the time_. "I just observed the nurse leaving this room, how is Doctor McCoy's condition?"

"Well, he's stable but not waking up. I didn't get much more but I think I pissed the nurse off." Jim shrugged sheepishly at Spock's raised eyebrow. "Anyway, what are you  _really_  doing here?"

"Star Fleet Command has requested you make an official statement." Spock responded smoothly.

He was unable to contain his scoff, "Meaning they wrote something for me to say." He sighed heavily and glanced down at the bed before him; he hadn't even  _said_  anything, and even though he didn't know what to say he still felt like he should have. "Alright, I'll head down in a minute I just- I don't know, it feels wrong to leave him." He sniffed and hastily wiped at his watering eyes, "I know you probably don't understand, it sounds pretty illogical."

"On the contrary Jim." Spock began softly, Jim's wide eyes snapping up to him immediately. "I am only  _half_  Vulcan after all. I also feel the need to confess that after the events that transpired within the warp core, it was immeasurably satisfying to simply watch your chest rise and fall, to have irrefutable proof that you were, in fact, alive. Allow myself and the bridge crew to handle the press, you shall not be bothered."

It was the second time that day Spock had surprised him into speechlessness. Jim was still sputtering for words when the doors hissed closed, the room once again empty save himself and Bones. And suddenly, just like that, the words came to him, he turned back to the bed with a small smile on his lips and an airy laugh escaping his mouth.

"The world may in fact be ending." He stated, hovering closer to Bones' bed. "Do ya know Spock's been nice to me today? And not in the cordial, Vulcan way that he always is, I mean honest to goodness  _nice_." He chuckled slightly before continuing. "And Uhura looked like she was ready to beat a reporter on my behalf. I mean, sure they asked an inappropriate question, but it's the press am I right? But that's why you have to wake up."

He paused again, breathing deeply and not even bothering to swipe at the tear trailing down his cheek. "You've gotta bring some sense back to my life. I know you're 'just a doctor', but you're a level-headed doctor. Basically my anchor. And I know you say I saved you, gave your life purpose again even if it  _is_  just patching up my sorry ass after a bar fight. But-" He had to take a moment to breathe wetly, more tears streaking his face. "I don't know what I'd do without you. I know I don't say it nearly enough, or at all, but I need you. You're my best friend and I need you to wake up. Okay? Please just, wake up." Jim whispered his pleas, gripping Leonard's limp hand in his own. He didn't know what he was expecting, maybe for Bones to just miraculously regain consciousness, but nothing changed. So he continued talking. "I was going to tell you ya know. Back in the building? I was going to tell you everything. You asked me what three things I'd say before I died. Well, the third was for you. I would tell you how much I appreciate you. How much I  _need_  you. How much you did for me by simply accepting me for who I was and not who others thought I should be."

Jim choked on a wet gasp, burying his head in the scratchy hospital sheets, his shoulders shaking with sobs, all the while unwilling to release his grip on his best friend. It took a while for him to calm down, he honestly didn't even know how long. But eventually the crying stopped, his breathing calmed, and he fell into a fitful sleep leaning against the bed.

Just before he drifted off he could've sworn he'd felt the hand in his twitch slightly, but he was already being pulled under by the dregs of sleep and knew it was all in his head, the wisps of a dream already beginning to warp his reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw yay, Bones will be waking up soon! He's been MIA for a while, I miss him. XD Hope you enjoyed!! :D


	16. XVI

His return to full consciousness was a long, grueling task, and he'd almost given up with it when some noise from the outside world gripped his attention and pulled him all the way out. He wanted to talk, to ask what was going on, but simply opening his eyes was work enough.

He glanced around through small slits and was able to garner enough visual cues to realize,  _'I'm in a hospital.'_  So they were rescued then, and he'd survived. That was a plus. Never mind that he felt like complete shit,  _count your blessings._  Still, there was an idiot captain that he had to worry about, the man had been hurt pretty bad and knowing Jim, he'd surely done something to make it worse.

His eyes drifted slowly about the room once more and, this time, he was rewarded with a new sight, or more accurately, a new face.  _Too bad it wasn't the face he'd wanted to see._  Spock. At least he could rely on the green-blooded goblin to give him obscenely accurate answers to all his questions.  _And boy did he ever have a lot of questions._

"Spock."

"Good evening Doctor," The half-Vulcan began, voice low. "How are you feeling?"

"Kind of like I was hit by a bus."

The Vulcan's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to decipher what the man had stated, "I do not recall such an incident in your personal file, where are you drawing your criteria to make such a comparison?"

"It's a goddamn figure of speech!" Leonard spat, wincing when the volume made literally  _everything_  hurt. The monitors above him wailed slightly as well, and Spock glanced over his shoulder, as close to nervous as the Vulcan could get. "What?" He questioned, immediately wary.

"Please refrain from making any loud noises."

He blinked in confusion, only then realizing that the Science Officer had, in fact, been talking far more quietly than was usual. "Why?" He asked dumbly.

Spock simply stepped aside, and Leonard was barely able to make out the form of a certain captain splayed across a couch against the far wall of his room. The kid was fast asleep, his eyes crinkled just slightly as if the dreams he were having were not entirely pleasant in nature. "Please tell me this isn't the first time he's slept since he woke up."  _'How long_ _ **has**_ _he been up?'_  Leonard found himself wondering.

"The Captain has rested some but has not slept sufficiently since he awoke early yesterday afternoon."

He couldn't help the playful comment that came to mind, "What? No exact statistics for me?"

"Jim awoke 9.74 hours ago Doctor, I simply presumed you would not be interested in hearing exact numbers."

"You're right," He chuckled, "I'm not. So what happened?"

"Many different things have happened in the last seventeen hours, to which specific event are you referring?"

Leonard released a measured breath through his nose, remembering Jim's explicit command to  _"Not kill my First Officer. Please?"_

" _Fine, I won't kill him. But I will make no promises not to hypo his ass if he ever gets too annoying."_

_Jim chuckled at that, his eyes sparkling, "I guess I can't stop you there, knowing me, I'd be unconscious next to him!"_

"-when you were rescued."

Bones blinked owlishly up at the Vulcan, only then realizing that he'd been talking.

"Perhaps I should relay this information at another time, when you are a little less 'out of it' as Jim would say."

"I'm perfectly fine to hear now." He tried to defend, even though he could feel his hold on consciousness slipping.

"Go back to sleep Doctor, Jim is stable and you are both safe."

' _Huh, that was almost,_ _ **tender**_ _.'_ Bones thought, looking up at the Vulcan, befuddled. Spock was many things, but none of them were tender.  _Perhaps Jim was right, maybe they were starting to humanize him._  Bones snickered at the thought, and from the classic eyebrow raise that reaction elicited from Spock, it was obvious the Vulcan believed he was very 'out of it'.

Against his own wishes, his eyes began to slide shut. It took too much effort to keep them open, and he knew what his body needed most just then was rest.  _'What's the harm in a little more sleep? I'm fine, Jim's fine, I'll deal with the semantics later.'_  And with that Bones drifted back to sleep, leaving Spock to sit back down and open the book he'd been reading.


	17. XVII

He had no way of measuring how much time had elapsed since he had awoken, but he could tell some had because Spock was no longer by his bed, and instead Jim sat in the chair the Vulcan had vacated. He was awake, more or less, his chin resting in his hand and his eyes drifting closed and fluttering back open.

"You should get more sleep." He ground out, voice rough.

Jim's whole body snapped to attention, practically falling out of the flimsy plastic material he'd been sitting on. "Bones!" He called brightly. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

Leonard paused and really considered the question,  _'how_ _ **do**_ _I feel?'_ "Well, better than earlier, but that's not really saying much."

Jim sighed heavily, his whole body sagging with obvious relief, and in that moment Leonard could tell just how hard the past few hours  _-days?-_ had been on him.

"You need to take better care of yourself you know."

The haggard Captain released a wiry laugh, "Pot kettle much?"

He shrugged as much as he was able in a bed, connected to all sorts of monitors. "Hey, I'm not the trouble magnet here. Any horrible situation I have ever been in can be directly linked back to  _you_ smart ass." He hadn't meant the comment in a jeering way, but from the sudden frown and the way Jim's eyes darted to the ground, Leonard could tell there was some underlying issue.

"Look," Jim began quietly, "about that-"

"Don't you even start." Leonard cut him off.

Jim looked back up, his mouth falling open, "Wha- Bones come on, I'm trying to apologize here."

"For something that is not at all your fault. Jim, we were in a building when it collapsed, it's not like you caused that."

"Oh just wait, you don't even know the best part." Jim smiled sarcastically, crossing his arms protectively over his chest.

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.  _'What now?'_

"The building we were in it uh-" Jim paused, sniffing, "it was structurally unsound because of the  _Vengeance_  crash, so a minor earthquake brought it down."

Leonard sat in silent contemplation for a moment, he understood that Jim still blamed himself for the starship crashing in the first place, but that string of events, it was so horribly happenstance that he couldn't help but laugh. "Well that's so- mundane."

Jim looked up at him, his eyebrows rising before a lopsided grin overtook his features and he too began to laugh, gasping as it became harder to breathe.

A soft knock at the door drew both their attention to the Vulcan standing there. "Good afternoon Doctor, Captain."

"Hey." Jim replied with a forced smile, and alarm bells immediately went off in Leonard's brain.

"I hate to interrupt but Starfleet Command wished me to relay the information that they have postponed their hearing. They will be holding their meeting in two days' time, they wish you a speedy recovery and request you make an appearance so they may discuss the events that transpired with Khan."

Jim simply nodded, releasing another heavy sigh. "They're gonna fire me."

"Jim, you don't know that." He shot back immediately.

"Oh come on, what else are they gonna do? I already told you, they need a fall-guy!"

"Jim, I would recommend you not think too long about the multiple possibilities of the future." Spock cut in before he had a chance, "Whether or not Starfleet will fire you is an unknown variable, you should not waist time and effort with worrying over something that may or may not come to pass."

"See Jim, Spock knows what's up."

Jim glanced between the two of them several time with raised eyebrows. "Wait, you guys are agreeing now? Has hell frozen over? I never thought I'd live to see the day."

"On the contrary Jim, Leonard and I agree on several things. Now if you will excuse me, I have some other business to attend to." Then with a soft nod, Spock left the room.

The two friends sat a moment in silence, watching the Vulcan go before Leonard turned his gaze to the slightly pale-faced Jim. A coy smile overtook his features and he couldn't help but poke fun, "You decide to tell a certain someone about your crush yet?"

"A certain someone and quite a few others already know about my crush."

' _Wait, what?'_ He blinked, unsure if he'd heard his friend correctly. "Beg your pardon?"

"Yeah." Jim scoffed.

"Explanation, now." He demanded, grunting with the effort of sitting up in bed.

Jim swallowed, closing his eyes and seemingly gathering his thoughts. "So, turns out there was a camera, that recorded everything that happened down there and uh-" the rest of the sentence was too mumbled for him to hear.

"Gonna have to speak up kid."

"Was broadcast to the whole world."

His mind went blank, literally  _blank_.  _What did he say?_  What  _could_  he say that wouldn't sound superficial and meaningless?

"So yeah, the whole world knows about that, as well as my death, and that whatever bullshit they were fed about the crash was a complete lie."

"Damn, kid that's- just wow." He finally breathed.

"Yep. Suffice to say Starfleet isn't the happiest with me right now."

 _Would life ever be easy for them?_  Somehow, he seriously doubted it. "Still, you don't think, I mean, they're not gonna-?"

Jim simply shrugged, refusing to meet his gaze. "I honestly don't know. They do need someone to take the blame still, and my neck is ripe for the chopping block."

"But people know the truth now," He tried to reason,  _maybe there was a way around this,_ "That'll help things, right?"

"Or just make them worse. Think about it, the world knows Starfleet lied to them now, but they only found that out through a third party who, by all rights, didn't tell them on purpose. It's obvious they'd planned to keep this a secret Bones, and people are not happy about it."

"I suppose we'll just have to wait and see."

Still Jim only nodded, his gaze focusing on a random spot against the far wall.

He sighed heavily and let his head fall back into his pillows. He wasn't sure what the future was going to hold, but there was one thing he knew for certain,  _Jim was going to need him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two short chapters in a row! So we're getting close to the hearing, and after that there's a few things to wrap up and then we'll be done. :D   
> Love you all, thanks for giving me the motivation to continue writing and posting! <3


	18. XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short filler chapter for ya'll here. The trial/hearing thing will happen in the next chapter!

He was in the middle of PT when Spock knocked on the door. Jim couldn't help but sigh, his shoulders slumping as he fell back into his parked wheelchair. He'd spend the last couple days hovering between his own hospital room and Bones'. Now that his friend was awake and on the mend, he felt better about working on his own physical impediments.

It was a difficult road to recovery for sure. Although the doctors were able to use the regenerator and mend most of the damage, his legs had been very severely injured, meaning a lot of the muscles and even the bones were not terribly happy about being so suddenly repaired. So he was still confined to the chair and was reduced to a shaking, hobbling mess whenever he tried to walk.

"Captain." Spock greeted politely.

"For now." Jim muttered under his breath. He didn't mean to be rude, or take anything out on his first officer, he was just sore, and tired, and frustrated. But most of all, he was scared. For all he knew, Star Fleet planned to take his  _life_  away from him.  _What was he going to do without his ship, without his family?_

Spock chose to ignore the comment he'd most certainly heard and instead jumped right to the purpose of his visit. "The hearing will begin in approximately forty minutes. I thought I should come and alert you in case you lost track of time."

' _Shit,'_  Jim mentally cussed,  _he totally had_. He warily rubbed his hands across his face, releasing a low whine as he did so. For the most part, he wanted to get the stupid trial  _-or whatever they wanted to call it-_  out of the way. But the rest of him knew that whatever happened in that trial was going to decide his fate, and the longer it was prolonged, the more he could pretend that things were just fine. "If I fell down the stairs because of a wheelchair malfunction, do you think they'd postpone it again?"

Spock's eyebrow lifted slightly as he shifted his weight. "I would assume not, barring any terrible injuries. However, as your chair is functioning adequately, I fail to see why this is a concern."

Jim simply flashed a mischievous grin, "Functioning adequately right at this moment."

"Please refrain from tampering with your chair and sustaining further physical damage." Spock monotoned in reply.

"I was joking, mostly." Jim snapped a little more harshly than he'd intended.

"Captain-" Spock began, but Jim was quick to interrupt.

"I'm off duty."

Spock inclined his head before beginning again. "Jim. May I enquire as to what is causing your foul mood?"

"Nothing," Jim mumbled, blowing a deep breath out through his mouth. "Just nervous I guess. I don't know, it's stupid to worry 'cause I can't change anything, but all I  _can_ do is worry."

"With respect," Spock began slowly, almost shyly,  _'Spock is_ _ **never**_ _shy.'_ "You have been feeling anxious for this hearing for the past two days, however at this moment you seem particularly distressed. Is there something else that is troubling you?"

"No there's nothing-" Jim began, but paused.  _'What the hell,'_ he thought,  _'we've gotta deal with this eventually.'_ So turning his chair to face Spock squarely, his set his jaw and released a nervous breath. "Actually yeah, there is something else troubling me. It's the fact that we can't have a normal conversation anymore. Because there's this underlying tension. And I realize we didn't exactly have the  _best_ relationship before but at least we could talk." He paused to catch his breath and quickly crossed his arms over his chest protectively. "Don't get me wrong, I don't  _blame_ you. There's not really anyone  _to_  blame, actually no that's a lie. I can blame whatever fucker thought it was good idea to broadcast a private conversation to the whole goddamn world, yeah, let's blame them. Anyway, look Spock, the stuff I said in there-"

"You were not aware you were being broadcast. I believe I am correct in assuming you would have withheld certain information if you had known."

He paused, blinking owlishly up at the science officer. "Well, yeah. Yeah I would've."  _Damn right he would have, and then maybe_ _ **something**_ _from that scenario would have been salvageable._

"I respect your privacy Jim, I will not allow this knowledge to affect our working relationship."

"Oh." Jim had to pause to blink again, surprised by how painless that had been. Just like that, unsurmountable anxieties quelled. "Okay, thanks."

With that Jim moved his chair forward, twisting around the slight obstacle course that was his room until he was able to get into the hallway. Spock waited patiently before he began to follow at a leisurely gate. He wished he could have walked off at a brisk pace, but at least the Vulcan allowed him to hover away and pretend he was moving fast enough to out-pace him.


	19. XIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there are a few new characters introduced in this chapter. One is a friend from Jim's past, I refer to her as admiral, she's a Rear-Admiral, which is like, third highest in rank according to the Star Trek memory alpha website. The other character is an Acting-Admiral, basically he's going to become Admiral, but it hasn't been that long since Marcus died so it's not actually official yet. I couldn't find who became Admiral after Marcus, if it's out there I couldn't find it, so I just made up a name. That's all, until next time!

The room was completely silent when he finally hovered in. An assembly of high ranking Star Fleet officials were gathered around a long wood table, all sitting stiffly in large office chairs. He paused at the very end, surveying his jury, before crossing his arms over his chest and locking his jaw.

They could take plenty from him: his ship, his job, his life. But they couldn't take his spirit, the defiant streak in him that so many hated. He wouldn't allow them that.

"Relax Jim, we're just here to get all the information."

Jim started, an involuntary gasp escaping his lips. His eyes swiveled to find where the voice had emanated from, falling to land on a familiar face. He couldn't help but immediately relax, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Admiral Welka."

The Admiral smiled, her long greying hair cascaded down her back in a tight braid that swished when she stood. She made her way around the table and embraced the chair-bound Captain, whispering "Good to see you little Jimmy."

Jim smiled and gripped her shoulders tightly. He knew the only reason she was there was to keep him from acting too disrespectfully, well, probably. "Good to see you too Neema."

Her full name was Lieuneema Welka. She'd served on the same ship as his mother when he was just a boy; he'd spent many a day playing in the bowels of the ship with her when really, neither of them were supposed to be there. She'd had her duties to see to and he'd been expressly told to stay in his room or the common areas.

"Alright, all pleasantries aside," Acting-Admiral Sussen began, but one glare from both Jim and Neema had him biting his tongue.

Neema smiled down at him gently, something akin to pity flashing in her eyes before she brushed her thumb down his cheek then went back to her seat.

Jim's eyes followed her the entire way, before falling back on Sussen, almost giving him permission to start.  _'Let the questions come.'_

Sussen coughed slightly, resituating himself before gathering his thoughts. "Captain James T. Kirk, you are called before the assembly today to discuss the events that culminated in the crash of the  _USS Vengeance_  in San Francisco almost two months ago."

Jim resisted the urge to sigh,  _this was going to be a long day._

Leonard barely bit back a growl as he paced back and forth not far from the room that Jim and the Assembly were convened in. He couldn't help it, he was nervous. As much as he'd tried to reassure Jim that the 'Fleet wouldn't fire him, he honestly wasn't sure. Jim was a fantastic captain, an asset to Star Fleet for sure, but he did cause a lot of trouble for them as well. Perhaps they were thinking it was time they cut their losses.

"Doctor, wearing yourself out will in no way change their decision, either for better or worse."

He groaned and rolled his eyes, "Thanks for the reassurance there Spock."

Spock clasped his hands behind his back, standing formally, "Leonard, you and I both know that reassurances, false or not, will only waste breath."

"What about talking huh? Mindless chatter, doesn't that waste breath?" He snapped. Sure it was rude, and Spock really didn't deserve that, but he couldn't help it. He'd been on edge since Jim left, worried about the decision Star Fleet would make, and he needed to release his tension somehow.

"I simply believed you would wish to have some company; someone to talk to. If I am incorrect in this assumption I can leave you alone."

"Wait." He called as Spock turned away. "I guess you can stay."

"I thank you Doctor."

The two friends stood a moment in silence, Bones just barely resisting the urge to begin pacing again. "So, that Vulcan mind of yours can calculate probabilities and stuff right?"

"Considering you already know the answer to that question I can only assume there is something you wish to ask but do not necessarily wish to know the answer to."

"Yeah yeah yeah." He brushed Spock's tirade off, waving his hands in annoyance. "Honestly, what do you think the probability of them firing Jim are?"

Spock paused a moment, considering his response, calculating the odds, when the alien finally answered he wasn't sure if it put him at ease or just made his insides twist further. "From my calculations Doctor, there is approximately a 47.9 percent chance of Jim being released from active commanding duty."

"Basically fire him."

"Not necessarily, they would most likely reassign him to a ground base where he would be confined to permanent desk duty."

He paused, glaring up at the completely serious First Officer without amusement. "So fire him. You and I both know Jim wouldn't last one  _day_  behind a desk."

Whatever Spock was about to say was cut off as the door to the large conference room was forced open, frustrated shouts echoing out from within.

Jim hovered heatedly around the corner, not even pausing by his friends.

"Captain?" Spock questioned at the same time he called, "Jim!"

The two friends paused and glanced at one another, both raising an eyebrow in question. "You try and find out what the hell happened in there," Bones decided, pointing towards the conference room. "I'll try and cool him down."

Without waiting for a reply he took off down the hall that Jim had disappeared down.

It'd been maybe ten minutes when Spock sought him out, and he'd gotten nowhere with Jim. No amount of banging, pleading, or even threatening had gotten the secluded Captain to open his door. Sure he could force his way into the hospital room, but he'd prefer for Jim to do it voluntarily.

"Well?" He demanded of the Vulcan.

"They have convened to discuss their decision and will alert us when one has been reached. They neglected to relay any further information."

Bones puffed out a sigh in frustration, "Typical. Goddammit Jim open the door!" He shouted, going back to pounding on the door with his fist.

He was mid-swing when the door was wrenched open, and he was so surprised he nearly fell flat on his face. Jim's angry face greeted him, glaring at his two uninvited guests.

"You wanna know what happened." It wasn't a question, and from the sound of his voice he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to tell them either. "Fine."

Then he turned away from the door, leaving it open and allowing both him and Spock to follow him in if they so chose.

Bones noted with dismay that Jim was up and out of his chair, although walking with obvious difficulty.  _'He's gonna set back his recovery.'_  He thought with a silent sigh. He decided to make himself at home, settling into one of the chairs. Spock followed as well and stood close behind his chair, however he chose to remain silent.

Bones observed Jim's wobbling pace for maybe a minute before he'd had enough. "Okay kid, talk."


	20. XX

Jim bit his lip in frustration and pain.  _'You shouldn't be walking idiot.'_ The part of his brain that sounded distinctly like Bones grumbled at him. He knew it was right too, walking hurt like a bitch and he'd been told not to get out of the chair except for his physical therapy sessions once a day, which were already supposed to be difficult.  _'Probably won't be able to walk at all tomorrow.'_

He couldn't help it though, sitting in the chair made him feel trapped, helpless. Goodness knew he'd felt enough of those two emotions to last a lifetime; he needed some semblance of control just then and he knew the only thing that would give him that was walking.  _Physical therapy be damned._

"Jim?" Spock prompted when he'd remained silent for too long an interval.

He sighed before painfully lowering himself onto the corner of his bed. Both Spock and Bones reached hands out to offer assistance but he ignored them. "It started off like you'd expect:"

" _Now, we are aware that Admiral Marcus had his own ulterior motive in sending the Enterprise to Kronos. Were you aware of his plan?"_

_Jim resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "No. Not at first anyway. We didn't become suspicious of his plan until we were already at Kronos, when Commander Spock brought up some very relative points on the matter."_

_Sussen leaned forward slightly, another member of the party typing away furiously at his data pad. "So it was your First Officer who drew suspicion towards the late Admiral?"_

" _Yes, well, yes and no." He sighed tersely, crossing his arms over his chest. "My Chief Engineer also voiced concerns about the torpedoes that Admiral Marcus had given us. And his daughter Carol Marcus had her own theories as well."_

" _My my, it seems you had a myriad of people telling you one thing yet you steadfastly refused to listen."_

' _ **Is there a question in there?'**_ _He wondered to himself, but figured a comment like that would only add gasoline to the fire._

" _Why is it, that a decorated Captain such as yourself, refused to listen to the multiple concerns of your crew, and still allowed this dangerous mission to commence?"_

" _Well, in case you missed it in the report, I_ _ **did**_ _end up listening to them, and instead of firing those torpedoes with no warning at the unarmed Harrison, we manned a shuttle to the surface of Kronos and brought him back to the ship."_

" _Yes, where he was free to then hijack the Vengeance and crash it into a populated city." Sussen snapped, he was obviously not happy with the outcome. Or, more likely, he was not happy that the secret of who had crashed that ship and why, was no longer a secret._

" _Admiral, Sir," Neema cut in, looking less than pleased with the tone the man was taking. "With all due respect, we are here to understand Captain Kirk's side of things. We understand the outcome, what we do not fully understand is how that_ _ **became**_ _the outcome."_

_Sussen paused, licked his lips, then faced Jim once again. "Yes of course. So Captain, if you yourself had your own suspicions about Admiral Marcus, why continue the mission to capture Harrison in the first place?"_

" _He was still a wanted criminal sir, one who had recently unloaded countless rounds into a room full of captains and first officers of the 'Fleet. With all due respect, even you must realize he had to be brought to justice for what he'd done."_

" _Are you sure you were going there for the good of Star Fleet, and not in revenge for Captain Pike's death? I am aware of the close relationship the two of you had."_

_He swallowed thickly, working his jaw before he answered. He'd known that question would come up, just like he knew he couldn't lie about it._

_**"On an official report, you lied!"** _

_He blinked rapidly at the sudden unwanted memory, 'Not this time.' He thought to himself. "Yes." He whispered, "I went there in search of revenge. Revenge masked in justice, but revenge all the same. I fully admit that my reasoning was flawed, but-"_

" _But nothing Kirk." Sussen interrupted heatedly. "You admit the flaws of your actions, that may just earn you a little sympathy with the assembly. But there is another matter that is of concern today."_

_Jim blinked in confusion, looking to Neema for some answers but she didn't seem to know where Sussen was taking it either. "What matter is that Sir?"_

" _One that was just recently brought to our attention, Kirk." Sussen began, "Now, after the Vengeance crash, it was agreed that a cover-up would be put in place to uphold the integrity of Admiral Marcus' memory, was it not?"_

_Jim blanched, realizing with dread where this was going, "Look Sir, I understand that believe me I do-"_

" _Was it or was it not Mr. Kirk?"_

_Mr. not Captain, that wasn't a good sign. "Yes it was Sir."_

" _And did you or did you not object to that decision?"_

_He bit his lip and angrily glanced about the room, even Neema refused to meet his eye. "I did; I felt the families of people who died deserved to know the truth."_

_Sussen paused and smiled, and Jim knew instantly he'd been backed into a corner. It was a predatory smile, a smile of victory. "So please tell the assembly what exactly we should be thinking right now."_

" _Thinking about what exactly?"_

" _This,_ _ **situation**_ _you got yourself into."_

_Jim's mouth fell open in shock, and he had to blink a couple times in disbelief. Was he even hearing this right, no way could that man be insinuating what he thought he was insinuating. "You mean the collapsed building that I was trapped in."_

" _Yes, the building. And this hack of the camera feeds that no one can seem to trace, no one can discern a motive for. Who would profit from such a thing? Who would have even known to hack into those cameras?"_

" _I don't know Sir, I assumed Star Fleet would be performing a formal investigation."_

" _We have." Sussen crossed his arms over his chest and glared down the long table at Jim. "You know, not many people are aware of this, but you Mr. Kirk, have quite the skill set when it comes to things such as hacking, do you not?"_

_He flat out refused to answer that, simply glared darkly at the Acting-Admiral._

" _Yes, you do. In fact, you were brought to charges before an assembly while still in the Academy for hacking into and cheating on the Kobayashi Maru. Were you not?"_

" _I think we all know for a fact that I was. Is there a point here, Sir?" He tried to make the term drip with as much disdain as he was capable. He had to show the man respect, but he sure as hell was gonna make the man understand that he didn't like it._

" _Yes there is, the point is, there is only one person this assembly can see with both the skills needed to pull off such a hack, and the motive to do so."_

_The room fell deathly silent as his head cocked to the left in disbelief. Something must have crossed his face because everyone was suddenly looking towards him warily._ " _Wait wait wait, I'm sorry, are you actually insinuating that I_ _ **purposefully**_ _caused that building to collapse? Because that would just be moronic."_

" _Please Kirk, provide a different theory if you have one." Sussen responded smugly._

_And that was when he was done. He'd tried, honestly tried to reign it in, to remain calm and handle things in a professional manner. But that man had just crossed a line, and he'd been stepped and trampled on before and he was not about to let it happen again. "Oh no, I'm sorry,_ _**yes** _ _, I definitely was able to plan that. I meticulously and perfectly planed for that building to collapse on me_ _**and my best friend** _ _, trap us under that rubble, and then rigged a system remotely to broadcast everything that was happening. Oh yeah, and did I forget to mention I was actually able to so perfectly plan the collapse that I caused myself and my best friend serious harm, but not enough to actually kill us. Is that_ _**honestly** _ _what you are suggesting?"_

_Sussen sputtered for a moment in shock; he apparently hadn't been expecting an outburst quite like that. Everyone in the room knew the logic behind what he was saying, whether or not they wanted to_ _**admit** _ _it was a different story. "N-no Captain, that's not- that isn't what we meant." The Acting-Admiral was quick to amend._

_Jim just smiled mirthlessly, "I didn't think so." He backed away from the table slightly, too disgusted with the people there to even look at them anymore. "Look, me and Bo-McCoy were lucky to get out of there with our lives. He almost died, hell,_ _**I** _ _almost died! I was apparently under the incorrect impression that this 'hearing' or whatever the hell you wanna call it, was to discuss the events leading up to and involving Kahn, not whatever bullshit this it. Come to your own damn conclusion about what happened, I am done."_

"And that was when I left." He finished with a shrug. Looking back on it he may have overreacted, and he  _definitely_ shouldn't have stormed out the way he did, but he'd just gotten so angry. And it really had been a stupid theory.

Bones shook his head with a huff of disgust, "Wow. You know, I knew some of those higher-ups could be bad but this, this is just ridiculous."

"Ridiculous or not," Spock began, ever the calm voice of reason in his life, "I fear your outburst may have caused more harm than good. While the points you provided were logical, your delivery of them may reflect poorly upon your character."

Jim shook his head, flailing his arms widely, "I don't care! I wasn't about to pander to them. Not when they'd already made up their minds about me, okay? I didn't have to deal with that shit, not when they were obviously just dumping on me."

"I completely understand Jim," Spock was quick to amend, putting his heart at ease. "And while I do agree that they were simply 'dumping on you' I thought it best to play devil's advocate, as it were."

"Devil's advocate," Bones just shook his head, "Look what's done is done. You can't do anything about it now, and for the record, I think those paper-pushers needed a good licking. Seriously, what did they look like?"

He cracked a smile at that, "Well, most of them wouldn't even look up at me. Sussen was as red as tomato by the end."

The light mood that had finally settled over the room shattered when the doors swished open to reveal Admiral Welka standing calmly before them. He subconsciously shifted closer to Bones, needing the support and comfort the man provided him unconditionally. "Hi Neema."

"Hi Jimmy." She said with a thin smile.

"So, the assembly's come to a conclusion?"

She paused, then nodded. "Yes, they have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuuuuun!   
> I hope the flashback wasn't too confusing!   
> Also guys, we're almost done! I'll update tomorrow or the next day, just three chapters to go! And 23 is basically an epilogue. Woohoo!  
> Thanks for all the love and support, ya'll rock!


	21. XXI

Leonard sighed, placing his hand gently against Jim's back. Whatever the verdict was, this moment was going to change their lives.

"And they sent you cause I can't yell at you." Jim said with an eye roll.

He had never actually met Admiral Welka, but he knew enough about her to respect and appreciate her. She'd been there for Jim at a time when he'd needed a mother figure, she was probably one of the only reasons Jim's childhood hadn't been a  _complete_  mess.

Welka laughed at that, tipping her head back. "Please, Jimmy, you've been capable of yelling at me since you were five years old. And you sure as hell would."

Jim flushed pink at that, ducking his head, making Bones smile. But the room quickly sobered.

"In all seriousness though, I am here to deliver the official ruling of the assembly."

Jim sat up straighter, fidgeting nervously. Bones scooted a little closer, trying to offer as much support as he could.

The Admiral sighed, but it was more to relieve tension than out of sadness. "The assembly ruled that your actions were justified, and reflected Star Fleet admirably."

Leonard smiled and his heart surged with a rush of pride,  _the Enterprise wouldn't be losing her captain today._

The room lapsed into silence, Jim blinked a couple times, brows furrowing as if he couldn't quite understand what he'd heard.

Welka stepped forward and bent down to Jim's field of view, "Honey, they ruled in your favor."

"They, they didn't fire me?" Jim questioned quietly, looking for all the world like he couldn't even believe what he was hearing. His shoulders sagged and an airy laugh escaped his throat, "I thought I was gone for sure."

He shook his head but he was too happy to feel anything else. He clapped Jim on the back firmly, "I knew they couldn't get rid of ya that easily."

Spock stood and clasped his hands behind his back respectfully. He inclined his head down towards Jim and if one looked close enough, his eyes shown with a smile. "It is pleasing to hear that once repairs are done you will be embarking on board the  _Enterprise_ with us, Captain."

Jim grinned ear to ear like a boy on Christmas and he couldn't help but chuckle.  _'Damn kid's joy is infectious.'_

"How didn't they fire me? I swear I thought Sussen had it out for me." Jim shook his head, more mystified now than anything else.

Neema shrugged with a shake of your head, "Sussen may have, I think he was just looking for someone to blame. Don't get me wrong Jimmy it was close; you're gonna have to play things close to the book for a while, until the heat settles down. It shouldn't be too difficult seeing as how your ship is currently still incapacitated."

"So extended shore leave." Jim's eyes flashed towards Bones mischievously and he very nearly had a heart attack right there.

"Oh no, whatever you're planning, I don't want any part of it." He tried to shut down whatever the hell that buffoon was thinking as quickly as possible, because goodness knew it would not end well for anyone involved. "No extravagant locations or questionable choices to be had here, I'm gonna go see my little girl. And you're damn well coming with me, I can't stand hearing her asking about 'Uncle Jimmy' all the time."

Jim laughed with his head tipped back, eyes closed. It was the happiest he had seen the kid look in a long time, and damn did it feel good. "Alright, spending some time with your family doesn't sound too bad. Especially not if there's your mom's home-cooked meals as part of the deal."

He just rolled his eyes,  _'nice to know some things never change.'_ "Yes there is food in it for you. Ya know whenever ya come over Momma says you're too skinny."

"She'd say that no matter how I looked."

"That is probably true."

"Well Jim," Neema interrupted with a smile, "I hope you enjoy it. You deserve some time to relax. I'll see you around kiddo." She stepped forward and hugged him gently.

Jim held her tight for a moment, and whispered something in her ear that he couldn't understand. It wasn't terribly important, Bones knew the two went way back, he didn't need to be privy to everything that passed between the two of them.

"I too believe I should take my leave Captain, I assured the rest of the crew I would notify them as soon as I received any new information."

Jim nodded and smiled up at his First Officer, "Alright, I guess I'll see you around then. Tell everyone hi for me, and tell them not to be strangers, I'll die of boredom if I have to sit around here alone all day."

"And what am I?" Leonard demanded, mock insult tainting his southern tone.

"Uh, my doctor?" Jim responded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the whole universe. He could hear the silent 'duh' attached to the end of that sentence.

"I may as well head out with ya Spock, apparently my company doesn't count for anything." He stood to leave, a smile in his eyes. There was no way in hell he was leaving Jim alone just then; the kid had just received some of the best news of his life.

Jim's eyes widened in horror at the prospect of being left alone, the sheer boredom of that scenario terrifying him. "No wait!"

Leonard laughed hard at Jim's expense, feeling no shame or remorse.

Jim's eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms over his chest, "You weren't even going to leave, were you?"

He shrugged,  _damn kid was just too gullible._  "You can't prove anything."

"Oh okay, so this is how it's gonna be."

"I assure you I have no idea what you mean."

"Maybe my pillow will convince you otherwise." Jim grabbed the corner of his pillow and whipped it at his friend's face.

Bones ducked behind his arms, but still felt the pillow smack his body with considerable force.  _'Damn, those things are hard.'_ "You actually sleep on that?"

Jim paused and regarded the pillow thoughtfully, "It's not  _that_  bad."

Unbeknownst to the two friends, Spock had silently taken his leave to alert the rest of the bridge crew. For now, the two of them could sit and relax, happy that the alignment of the world was finally starting to feel normal once again. It was a comforting fact.


	22. XXII

It'd been just over three weeks, and he was still confined to the goddamn hospital. At this point, he was really starting to get sick of it. And  _yes_  he understood that it was partially his fault for walking around after the trail before his legs had actually been ready, but he paced when he was angry. Or when he felt trapped.

And between the Star Fleet brass pissing him off and the fact that whoever had hacked the cameras still had yet to be found, he was feeling very trapped and very angry.

"Everything's gonna be alright Jim."

' _Somehow, that doesn't make me feel better.'_ "So you keep saying." He grumbled.

Bones sighed and cast his gaze to the ground.

Jim felt a slight flutter of regret at his words, he knew his friend was just trying his best to help.  _He just kept making everything worse._

"How about some visitors?"

He perked up at that. Basically the highlight of any day was when the rest of the bridge crew came to visit. He loved Bones dearly, and was happy the man was taking care of most of his hospital needs, but it was obviously putting a strain on both of them. A few hours of escape did them both good.

He and Uhura generally had random conversations in alien languages. She'd been surprised at first at how many he knew; he always enjoyed the look on her face when he exceeded expectations and once again knew a different language.

Sulu liked to talk about trivial things, such as the date he'd just went on. He hadn't relinquished any other information other than that it had gone well and he was expecting to set up a second one before the repairs on the  _Enterprise_  were complete.

Jim could always count on Scotty to give him updates on his ship. It was agony that he had to go so long without seeing her, but the constant string of information he was able to pull from the Chief Engineer would have to suffice until he could get out of the hospital.

Chekov was always a delight to talk to. He enjoyed keeping Jim up to date on different things going on around the world, or in space. Surprisingly enough, he received most of his information about New Vulcan from Chekov instead of Spock. It was nice to stay updated about the goings-on in the world, that way he wouldn't be completely in the dark when he got out. And  _yes_ , he could have just read the news on a pad, but then he would take the pleasure of sharing and discussing it from Chekov, and no way was he about to do that.

Spock visited less frequently than everyone else. The Vulcan was being kept terribly busy, and although he hid it well Jim could tell he was getting tired. Usually the two of them would just play a few rounds of chess, something to relax the both of them and get their minds off of everything else. He would ask for updates on the investigation into the security camera hack, but he had yet to receive any pertinent information.

"I'll see who I can find," Bones intoned quietly, "Someone's usually millin' about. I'm gonna bring back some food, ya want anything?"

"Chocolate pudding?" He asked with a smile.  _Hospital food was awful, but something about their chocolate pudding, it was like it was so bad it was good._

Bones shook his head with an exasperated sigh, "I will never understand your fascination with that stuff." He stood and Jim heard the man's knees pop.

"Careful there grandpa."

"Yeah yeah, ya know the only reason I'm gettin' grey hair is cause of you. I'll be back in a bit, behave yourself."

"Don't I always?"

Bones leveled a steel glare down at him, "Don't make me answer that."

Jim simply beamed and watched his best friend walk out the door. Once alone he collapsed with a deep sigh. He liked to pretend that the hospital and the lack of progress in the investigation wasn't getting to him, if only for Bones' sake, but it was a tiring charade.

The door whooshed open and Sulu stepped through.

"Hey." He tried not to think about how forced his smile was. Sulu, for his part, didn't comment on it.

"Hey. How's it going?"

"Oh ya know, still here. Not allowed to move. Bones actually threatened to strap me to the bed the last time he walked in on me standing."

Sulu hissed in sympathy, knowing full-well the doctor would do it. "I'd behave myself if I were you."

Jim nodded vigorously, "Believe me I'm trying. So what's new?"

Sulu shrugged, taking a seat in one of the many chairs splayed about the room. They'd dragged in extra for the rare occasion the entire bridge crew was able to be there at the same time. "Not much. Just, trying to keep busy I guess. Who knew shore leave could be so boring?"

"When it's on Earth? Everybody. Why people choose to stay here I don't know."

"It's home for some." Sulu shook his head with a small chuckle.

Jim glanced at him in question, "What?"

"It's just funny, some people call a planet their home. And believe me, I'd been expecting to like working on a starship just fine I just, I guess I never expected for a hunk of metal to become my home."

"Hey, that's not just any hunk of metal."

Sulu raised his hands quickly in surrender, "Oh believe me I know."

"So, any word on that second date?"

The helmsman fell silent and the tips of his ears just barely flushed red.

A genuine grin spread from ear to ear, "You set up a second one."

"That I did, well actually, he called me."

Jim tipped his head back and laughed lightly, "And you were worried he didn't like you! That's great, when is it?"

"Next Friday, we're going to dinner. What about you?"

Jim's smile faded as he sat back against his pillows.  _So Sulu's love life hadn't been the only one they'd talked about._ "Can't go anywhere if it's one sided."

Sulu gave him a stare that clearly read ' _seriously?'_

"Oh come on, there's nothing there. And even if there  _could_  have been, I royally screwed up my chances by broadcasting it to the entire world."

"I highly doubt the  _entire_  world was watching." Sulu jested.

"Well a vast majority anyway."

The door swished open before Sulu could voice his response. ' _Speak of the devil.'_

"Spock."

"Good afternoon Captain."

Sulu smiled at him and nodded politely at Spock before taking his leave. Part of him wanted to man to stay, and he wondered if Sulu was maybe leaving on purpose so they'd have to spend time alone together. "What can I do for you?"

"I do not require anything Jim, I merely came to inquire as to your health."

"Well, it's about the same as yesterday. Which was marginally better than the day before."

Spock tipped his head in a short nod, "You are recovering then."

"Slowly but surely. Bones still won't tell me when I can leave this place. I hope it's soon. Cabin fever is a bitch. Don't suppose you'd wanna bust me out?"

"I fear that would incur the wrath of Doctor McCoy upon myself and cause the remainder of your time here to be unbearable."

Jim laughed, his eyes scrunching at the corners, "I was kidding. Mostly. I wouldn't mind getting some air though. So, any news?"

The atmosphere in the room suddenly became a whole lot more serious, and he could tell Spock had something for him. "There is new, however I would recommend refraining from becoming too excited."

He felt his eyes widen, staring imploringly at his First Officer, "What is it?"

"Star Fleet technical officers were able to trace the origin of the signal that broadcast the security footage. However, they found the property abandoned with no evidence as to who had been living there previously. At this point they fear the investigation has reached a dead-end."

He closed his eyes with a controlled sigh and had to fight very hard against the prickle he felt behind his eyelids. Exhaustedly he ran his hands over his tired face before collapsing back into his pillows. "So they're still out there, and we have no idea who they are or what they were doing."  _He'd been so stupid to believe that they'd be able to get justice._

"There is still a chance that we will find them."

"Yeah I'm betting I don't wanna know the probability on that." He grumbled, "God I just wish I'd kept my mouth shut. If I hadn't said anything, then hacker or no hacker we wouldn't have a problem."

"I believe you did the right thing, even though you were not aware you were being recorded."

"Yeah well you and the rest of the world have differing opinions. I fucked everything up Spock, and I really don't know how to fix it." He pinched the bridge of his nose to try and halt the tears he felt building up behind his closed eyes but he knew the dam was about to break. "Look, um, I'm not really in the mood to talk. Can we just-?" He drifted off, hoping Spock would catch his drift.

Acute as ever Spock inclined his head and turned to leave, "For whatever it may be worth, I do firmly believe the public had a right to be aware of what had transpired."

The Vulcan had just left when the first tears spilled over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, poor baby. Why am I so mean to him??  
> Anywho, one chapter to go! Yay!!  
> And in case anyone was wondering, I was fully intending for Sulu to have met and start dating Ben here. Cause that's adorable and I love them!!   
> Thanks for all the support! I appreciate it more than words can express!


	23. XXIII

The crisp fall air was cold and fresh as it blew through his plain, Star Fleet issued long-sleeved shirt. He almost wished he'd worn another layer, but the biting wind felt too good.

He'd been cooped up inside a hospital for so long, first for nearly six months after the  _Vengeance_  crash, then for one more additional month after the building collapse.

Freedom felt good. As did the solitude. He knew they were just trying to be helpful, and he realized what happened must have really scared them, but there was only so much smothering he could handle.

It had taken four weeks in the hospital for him to snap.

The doctor had just informed him that they wanted him to stay a few more days for observations, and he'd almost exploded. The frustration boiled over later that very day.

"A few more days of rest won't kill ya." Bones said, smacking his shoulder lightly.

' _That's what you think.'_ Jim thought, but responded out loud, "I can rest at home, I don't need to be here any more!"

"Look Jim, just give it a couple more days, like the doctor said." Uhura tried to reason gently.

Sulu caught her intention and forced a grin on his face, "You'll be out by the end of the week for sure, just wait!"

 _Except he was so fucking sick of waiting. Waiting for the trial, waiting for word on the Enterprise, waiting for his goddamn legs to fully heal. Waiting, waiting, waiting._ "That doctor isn't the one I trust, he doesn't know what I need." He spat incredulously, crossing his arms over his chest. He realized he was pouting like a child but he was very quickly losing control of his emotions and he couldn't help it.

"Laddie, the man's a professional, give 'im some credit."

"Mr. Scott is correct, your physician served for nearly twenty years aboard a star vessel as CMO before retiring to work Earthside."

The others continued talking, all trying to reassure him, but it was just white noise at that point. He couldn't really hear them past the beating of his heart and the loud rush emanating from inside his head.

 _Trapped._   _He just felt trapped. He couldn't breathe, memories were twisting together in his brain and playing out a chain of events that had never even happened. He had to escape; 'I have to get away, get_ _ **out**_ _.'_

"Keptin, Keptin!"

The sudden addition of Chekov's over-excited tone was enough to send him over the edge, all the pent-up anxiety and anger spilling over in one explosive moment. "Shut up, will you all just shut up!"

The room lapsed into silent shock as wide-eyes turned to stare down at him, most surprised some, like Chekov, hurt. Then Uhura calmly ushered them all out of the room, not even pausing in the doorway for a glance goodbye.

Bones was the only one who hadn't seemed startled by his outburst; he was also the only one who'd stayed.

"I didn't- I didn't mean that." He finally mumbled feebly, as if that could make up for his mistake.

"They know."

Jim fell back against his pillows in defeat, tears of frustration prickling his eyes. "I need to get outta here. Bones, you have to get me out of here."

Bones stood, brushing a gentle hand across his slightly tender knee. "Okay." He promised, before exiting the room with his eyes low.

He'd been released that same day with orders of strict bedrest for one more week. That week was finally up.

As soon as it had ended he'd been up and out the door, eager to stretch his newly healed legs.

He hadn't even been paying attention to where he was going, simply relishing the feeling of freedom the simple act of walking brought him.

Somehow though he'd ended up at the shipyard, his mind subconsciously bringing him closer to his home. A smile touched his lips as he watched his ship undergoing construction. It was going to be quite a while before she was ready for the open void once again, but he could tell she was just as eager to get back out there as he was.  _She, like him, was not meant to remain on Earth._

He felt a presence behind him, before they even spoke he guessed who it would be. ' _Bones hasn't checked up on me in a while.'_ "She's pretty spectacular huh?"

"Showing favoritism towards one vessel over another is not logical."

Jim gasped, pivoting with wide-eyes to see Spock standing comfortably in a warmer version of the outfit he wore.

"However, if I were forced to choose, I must say the  _Enterprise_ would be at the top of my list." Spock's eyes drifted to meet his and they sparkled with amusement, a hint of a smile ghosting his lips. "Expecting someone else?" He questioned knowingly.

Jim shook his head with a grin, "Bones actually, I was preparing for his usual rant: Ya can't be standing out here in the cold, you're gonna catch your death!" He began in an exaggerated southern accent. "Dammit Jim I'm a doctor not your babysitter, learn to take better care of yourself."

"Those were not his exact words, but the message was implied. He sent me to retrieve you."

"Of course he did." He couldn't quite suppress an eye-roll.

"You have been gone for almost six hours. We were all beginning to grow concerned."

His eyebrows shot to his hairline in disbelief.  _Had he really?_ "Wow, I guess I lost track of time."

The Vulcan inclined his head, "I surmised as much."

Jim inhaled deeply through his nose and turned back to face the dock before exhaling quickly. "She really is something else."

"Yes. We must wait patiently for the repairs to be finished, but I believe it will be most pleasing to once again," Spock paused, as if considering his words, "be home."

The simple word filled his heart with warmth and made it swell,  _he was glad he wasn't the only one who thought of the Enterprise as home._ "Yeah. Ya know, they say home is where the heart it."

"That they do." Spock turned but did not walk away. "Come Jim, if we wait any longer I fear the anxiety will cause Doctor McCoy serious, irreparable damage."

Jim laughed in surprise, looking up at Spock with joy in his eyes. "Lead the way Commander."

"As you wish Captain."

_Oh it felt so good to be called that._

Jim's smile sobered and a feeling of content washed over him for the first time since Pike's death. He began to chat about trivial things with his First Officer as they made the trek back to Bones' place, but his mind was elsewhere.

' _Home_ _ **is**_   _where the heart is.'_ He concluded. ' _And mine, mine will always be with them, with my crew. With my family.'_

No matter the trials or the place, no matter what life threw at them, he knew without a shred of doubt that each and every one of his friends would be there for him if he needed them.

And come hell or high-water, he would be there for them too.  _That's what you do, for the people you love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crapola it's done!!!! I was going to get this out sooner but then school started and my internet began acting up. *sigh* Excuses excuses.  
> Alright, so this is it!  
> Guys guys guys, I need a vote! I have two stories in the works currently, one is a sequel to this. It will include things such as: the reveal of the hacker and their motivations, Bones and Jim in more trouble, Jim and Spock figuring their shit out, and wonderful family feels.  
> The other is a tag-along to this, which portrays the crew's point of view during this whole fiasco. That one will include crew feels, Spock feels, and all the drama of this story from an entirely different perspective!   
> So, let me know which one you'd like to read first! Obviously I will be finishing and posting both of them, it's just a matter of which one I devote more of my time to at this very moment. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and writing more for ya'll in the future!!   
> Until next time, lots of love!!  
> ~Spring


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